Space Corps Database
Your complete guide to the characters, ships, gadgets and, erm, diseases in Red Dwarf.
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Personnel
Cat
Captain's Comments
When David Lister broke quarantine and smuggled a black cat named Frankenstein aboard Red Dwarf his plan to skip six months' work by being imprisoned in stasis was almost flawless. Apart from that whole 'cadmium II leak/crew wiped-out' thing.
The heavily-pregnant cat, safely sealed in the ship's cargo hold, gave birth to litter after litter which, after three-million years, evolved into a humanoid life-form: Felis sapiens.
(Note:The key moment in cat civilisation was apparently not the discovery of fire or the wheel, but rather the automatic trouser-press.)
The cats' religion was based around a god named 'Cloister' who saved Frankenstein - the holy mother - by being frozen in time, allowing the cat's virgin birth to continue unhindered. (Note: 'Virgin birth' my butt! It was a big black Tom on Titan.) Their image of heaven - Fuchal - features Lister's Fijian dream to set up a hot-dog and donut diner.
A holy war followed between that cats who believed the donut diner hats should be red and those who thought they were supposed to be blue. (Note: They were actually supposed to be green.) As the war subsided, the two factions fled Red Dwarf in two arks in search of Fuchal. Sadly their guiding star-chart was in actuality Lister's old dirty laundry list, and the first ark flew straight into an asteroid.
Left behind were the sick and the lame, the dying. The Cat was cared for by a blind cat priest after his parents - a cripple and an idiot - passed away. The Cat was later adopted by David Lister as a replacement for Frankenstein. (Note: The cat seems unfazed by meeting his people's deity, perhaps because his supposed 'god' is often to be found trimming his toe-nails with his teeth.)
The Cat was predominantly self-educated, (Note: Particularly hard were Thursdays, when he had double nothing) and has managed to avoid 'the W word' (work) almost entirely. Until his imprisonment, that is, when he was put to rock duty. (Note: This actually only entails changing rock records on the ships' PA system every 45 minutes.)
The Cat owns an extensive wardrobe and harbours a severe desire to get close to real, actual women. (Note: His recorded dreams include one which featured himself, three girls and a family-sized tub of banana yoghurt. I have yet to recover this from Dr McClaren.) On several occasions the Cat has been transformed into his alter-ego, Duane Dibbley, a pointless loser whose overbite could open beer bottles. (Note: He does, however, continue to carry a triple-thick condom, just in case - apparently his enthusiasm has not been dampened by the ineffectiveness of his extra-strong spot-cream.)
'The Cat' remains otherwise un-named. (Note: Claims that his middle name is 'Superficial' have proved to be false.) Amongst his most distinguishing features are pointed teeth, colour-co-ordinated internal-organs and six nipples. (Note: Apparently the female of the species is extremely easy to please in bed.)
