Dimension Jump IX

Saturday Night

Competition was the order of the evening as the Red Dwarf Olympics kicked off. An afternoon of time-killing fun included returning favourites such as 'Pin the Pointy Stick on the Weather Girl' - yes, it's exactly as daft as it sounds - as well as new additions such as Cat Golf. Sure, you can putt the ball into the hole - but how close can you hurl your club?

With autographs signed and orders in at the bar, Saturday evening kicked off with the conclusion to the Olympics - Smeg Idol. Finalists were subjected to the ordeal of singing the Red Dwarf theme in front of an audience of their jeering peers. Mr Flibble walked up and down the ranks, removing the out of tune, the lyric-forgetful and anyone who wasn't a girl he could flirt with.

The three remaining fans where whittled down to two after a fierce round of questions, leaving just two to play Prince of the Planet Potters. For those not in the know, this involves a cup strapped to your groin and a ball attached to said cup with a length of string. First one to get the ball in the cup without using their hands wins. Not exactly the Astro-Nav exam, but a lot more fun.

Next up came the costume competition. Judged by Chloë Annett, Mac McDonald, Graham McTavish (who also hosted), GNP big-wig Helen Norman and Mr Flibble (alongside your correspondent; the penguin doesn't go anywhere without an assistant), costumes ranged from the impressive - a curry monster outfit which actually seemed better made than the show's original - to the inspired - a hand painted silver and given a single red eye ("It's a skutter!"). Gary "Low Rimmer" Leicester and Palmira "Mr Flibble" Rowley had to settle for the runner-up places when Paul Cook narrowly crept into first place as a GELF.

Lee Cornes then bounded up before the crowd to perform his first live stand-up in years. "I'm going to point my car black down one side, white on the other. If I commit a crime, all the witnesses will contradict each other!" Then it was the turn of The McDonalds - Mac and daughters rocking the house with their revamped music and comedy routine.

"We did this at the last convention. Could anyone who was there that night please stand up... and leave the room so you don't have to listen to the introduction again." Mac actually had no intention of letting anyone miss out - when a bearded American gentleman in unconventional attire tried to nip out, our Hollister was on him in a second. "Hey, you in the skirt! Where you going? Siddown!"

As the applause died and the music faded up, it was time for everyone to hit Groove Factor 5. Disco divas of the night included DJ host Den and dancing maniac Lee Cornes. Even I managed to keep dancing without falling over. Although a chair did collapse underneath me in the early hours...

We'd all be suffering by Sunday morning.