A Christmas Carol

Discussion in 'THE AIGBURTH ARMS' started by Nicoca-cola Truck, Dec 21, 2017.

  1. Nicoca-cola Truck

    Nicoca-cola Truck Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Yes! and the bedpost was his own. The bed was his own, the room was his own. Best and happiest of all, the Time before him was his own, to make amends in!

    `I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.' @Bluey repeated, as he scrambled out of bed. `The Spirits of all Three B's shall strive within me. Oh @simulant37. Heaven, and the Christmas Time be praised for this. I say it on my knees, old Sim, on my knees.'

    Running to the window, he opened it, and put out his head.

    `What's to-day.' cried @Bluey, calling downward to a middle aged man with long hair, who perhaps had loitered in to look about him judgementally.

    `Eh.' returned the man, with all his might of wonder.

    [​IMG]
    'What's to-day, my fine fellow.' said @Bluey.

    `To-day.' replied the man. `Why, to most people it's Christmas Day, but not to me because I'm a Buddhist you see and I--.'

    `It's Christmas Day.' interrupted @Bluey. `I haven't missed it. The Spirits have done it all in one night. They can do anything they like. Of course they can. Of course they can. Hallo, my fine fellow.'

    `Hallo.' returned the man.

    `Do you know the Poulterer's, in the next street but one, at the corner.' @Bluey inquired.

    `I should hope I did,' replied the man, 'I mean, if I wasn't a VEGETARIAN that is. I just go there occasionally for chicken. But I AM a vegetarian".

    `Do you know whether they've sold the prize Turkey that was hanging up there -- Not the little prize Turkey: the big one.' asked @Bluey.

    `What, the one that weighs more than Bert off Sesame Street.' returned the man. `It's hanging there now,'

    `Is it.' said @Bluey. `Go and buy it, and tell them to bring it here, that I may give them the direction where to take it. Come back with the man, and I'll read one of your essays. Come back with him in less than five minutes and I'll listen to you jam.'

    `I'll send it to @Decembers Crotchit's.' whispered @Bluey, rubbing his hands, and splitting with a laugh. `He shan't know who sends it. It's twice the size of his enormous willbert. @HO HO HO I'M JMC never made such a joke as sending it to @Decembers will be.'
     
  2. Nicoca-cola Truck

    Nicoca-cola Truck Flight Co-Ordinator

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    The hand in which @Bluey wrote the address was not a steady one, but write it he did, somehow, and went down-stairs to open the street door, ready for the coming of the poulterer's man. As he stood there, waiting his arrival, some knockers caught his eye.

    `I shall love them, as long as I live.' cried @Bluey, patting them with his hand. `I scarcely ever looked at them before. They are wonderful knockers. -- Here's the Turkey. Hallo. Whoop. How are you. Merry Christmas.'

    He dressed himself all in his best, and at last got out into the streets. He went to church, and walked about the streets, and watched the people hurrying to and fro with his binoculars, and patted children on the head, and poked his nose into beggars' business, and used his binoculars to looked down into the kitchens of houses, and up to the windows, and found that everything could yield him pleasure. He had never dreamed that any walk -- that anything -- could give him so much happiness. In the afternoon he turned his steps towards @"Christmas rubbish" house.

    He passed the door a dozen times, before he had the courage to go up and knock. But he made a dash, and did it.

    `Why bless my soul.' cried @"Christmas rubbish",' who's that.'

    `It's I. Your uncle @Bluey. I have come to dinner. Will you let me in, @"Christmas rubbish".'

    "I won't" said the man. So @Bluey left.

    He was early at his business the next morning. Oh, he was early there. If he could only be there first, and catch @Decembers Crotchit coming late. That was the thing he had set his heart upon.

    And he did it; yes, he did. The clock struck nine. No @Decembers. A quarter past. No @Decembers. He was full eighteen minutes and a half behind his time. @Bluey sat with his door wide open, wearing his binoculars, that he might see him come into the Tank.

    @Decembers trousers were off, before he opened the door; his pants too. He was on his stool in a jiffy; driving away with his penis, as if he were trying to overtake nine o'clock.

    `Hello and welcome to the forum.' growled @Bluey, in his accustomed voice, as near as he could feign it. `What do you want.'

    `I am very sorry, sir,' said @Decembers. `I am behind my time.'

    `You are.' repeated @Bluey. `Yes. I think you are. Step this way, sir, if you please.'

    `It's only once a year, sir,' pleaded @Decembers, appearing from the Tank. `It shall not be repeated. I was making rather merry yesterday, sir and then had some kebab that didn't agree with me.'

    `Now, I'll tell you what, my friend,' said @Bluey,' I am not going to stand this sort of thing any longer. And therefore,' he continued, leaping from his stool, and giving @Decembers such a dig in the suit that he staggered back into the Tank again;' and therefore I am about to raise your willbert.'

    @Decembers trembled. He had a momentary idea of knocking @Bluey down with it.

    `A merry Christmas, @Decembers,' said @Bluey, with an earnestness that could not be mistaken, as he clapped him on the back. `A merrier Christmas, Decembers, my good fellow, than I have given you for many a year. I'll raise your willbert.'

    @Bluey was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not flop, he was a second owner. He became as good a user, as good a poster, and as good a mod, as the good old forum knew, or any other good old forum, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this forum, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him.

    He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle, ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to contribute to the forum well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!

    <roll credits>
     
  3. Pembers in a Pear Tree

    Pembers in a Pear Tree Console Officer

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    Round of Applause for @Saint Nikki this is genuinely one of the best threads I’ve ever read on here.
     
  4. Nicoca-cola Truck

    Nicoca-cola Truck Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Aww thank yooooou :-) xxxx
     
  5. Cloud (Christmas)

    Cloud (Christmas) Flight Co-Ordinator

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    That was brilliant Nikz. A lot of hard work and dedication to it and it was all worth it. Was very enjoyable. I hope there is something else as good next year!
     
  6. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Bravo, @Nikki the Great - and you managed to finish it in good time!

    Bumping this thread should be a new festive tradition.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2018
  7. Nicoca-cola Truck

    Nicoca-cola Truck Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Thank you my dear fans!

    Yours Sincerely,

    Charles Nikkens.
     
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  8. neilold the red nosed reindeer

    neilold the red nosed reindeer Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Well done Nikki and I thoroughly enjoyed my part in it
     
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  9. Nicoca-cola Truck

    Nicoca-cola Truck Flight Co-Ordinator

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    It was a good part wasn't it? Edward Woodward once played the exact same part.
     
  10. neilold the red nosed reindeer

    neilold the red nosed reindeer Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Yes, but he hasn't got my style and sophistication
     
  11. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Wonderful thread. It really needs to win the Thread of the Year award.
     
  12. Nicoca-cola Truck

    Nicoca-cola Truck Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Or your llama penis!
    Thanks @Bluey I hope you enjoyed the festive journey you went on.
     
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  13. neilold the red nosed reindeer

    neilold the red nosed reindeer Flight Co-Ordinator

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  14. Christmas Pants

    Christmas Pants Science Officer

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    Exactly what I would say if @Bluey came snooping round my house
     
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  15. Václav Claus

    Václav Claus Deck Sergeant

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    Fantastic story, Charlie. Thank you! :thanks: I'm expecting something similar on Easter. ;-)
     
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  16. Nicoca-cola Truck

    Nicoca-cola Truck Flight Co-Ordinator

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    If you think of a well known Easter story, let me know and I'll butcher it.
     
  17. Pembers in a Pear Tree

    Pembers in a Pear Tree Console Officer

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    Was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory an Easter story? There was chocolate and I seem to recall a bunny?
     
  18. Nicoca-cola Truck

    Nicoca-cola Truck Flight Co-Ordinator

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    You know how I feel about Willy Wonka :sulk:
     
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  19. SantaClaws

    SantaClaws Flight Co-Ordinator

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  20. BigOleDummy

    BigOleDummy Console Officer

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    Very well done there Nikki.
    [​IMG]
     
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