Agony Ant...

Discussion in 'THE AIGBURTH ARMS' started by Ant E, Nov 7, 2017.

  1. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I thought in the stressful era we live in, in a forum full of conflict, we deserve a place to anonymously air our grievances. So today, I am very pleased to announce that I am the forum's new....

    !!!!! AGONY ANT !!!!!

    As a now long serving member of the forum, and the only one with a name sounding like "AUNT", I am now the forum Agony Ant.

    You can PM me any concerns you have - and I will post them completely anonymously and offer my wise advice. I will also open it to the floor on certain questions.

    Please feel to PM your new agony Ant - ME - with any concerns. These can be forum, life or misc related.

    At no time will the the identity of the person asking advice be revealed. I now have a duty of care...

    I await your agony Ant letters with great interest....


    Please note, I aim to reply within 48 hours. Due to the length of time it takes @Abe to answer questions, I have put a restraining order in place to forbid him to ever be an agony Ant representative.
     
  2. BigOleDummy

    BigOleDummy Deck Sergeant

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    I like this. Good idea Aunt Ant E ! Expect to hear from me soon.
     
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  3. BigOleDummy

    BigOleDummy Deck Sergeant

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    Damn........... guess I'll have to wait a bit to preserve my anonymity now.......:redface:
     
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  4. Cloud

    Cloud Console Officer

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    Excellent idea
     
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  5. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    You'd have to be in a bad way to want him to resolve your problems.

    [​IMG]
     
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  6. Asclepius

    Asclepius Supply Officer

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    You are right, it would be definitely bad way to want Ant killer to solve my problems, I would rather ask Agony Ant!
     
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  7. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    We have had our first letter...

    Dear Ant,

    Everything was going well for me, then I had an unfortunate accident. Now people have seen my willy. What do?


    From - I.m. worried, Tunbridge Wells

    AGONY ANT SAYS....

    Well I.M. Worried... I’m sorry to hear of your willy woes. We had a member on this forum expose himself once resulting in a similar situation. I would recommend wearing underpants and /or a belt in future to avoid such mishaps. I recommend laughing it off and accepting the nickname “silly willy” from now on... what a mishap eh?
     
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  8. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    We have had another letter...

    Dear Ant,

    I am really worried Tex Rimmer will never return and all this time and effort in praising him I’m has been wasted. What do you think?
    From -
    Unprotected-Tex, Milton Keynes.

    AGONY ANT SAYS....

    Well Unprotected Tex, I think it’s time you moved on. This “Tex” character sounds like trouble to me. He doesn’t deserve your praise or tears. I would recommend obsessing over someone new... maybe @kry102001 or @Freeborn or @jed Shepherd

    I appreciate they will never fill the tex void you seek - but they are more likely to return if you bother them enough/ actually be alive...
     
  9. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Console Officer

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    Aren't we a lucky forum to have such a caring Agony Ant looking out for us all? :lol:
     
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  10. Cloud

    Cloud Console Officer

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    This is there best thread in the whole world. Silly Willy and unprotected Tex had me laughing way more than I should have
     
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  11. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Another day, another letter...

    Dear Ant,

    I believe @Bluey is a very dangerous man. I believe he is hiding his true identity. I believe he has had plastic surgery to hide his real persona. I believe @Bluey is really.... simulant!

    If it’s not true he must prove it. I speak the truth. I am a very wise man, with many friends.

    Signed - Chewy, Aylesbury.


    AGONY ANT SAYS....

    I agree entirely Chewy. I have no advice to offer. Continue with your quest to expose the truth.
     
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  12. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    The advice keeps coming....

    Dear Agony Ant,

    I think.I have a problem. Whenever I see a forum I feel compelled to post as many terrible threads as I possibly can, mainly about horror films. How can I cure this compulsion?



    From - A. Bore, Wormwood Scrubs.


    AGONY ANT SAYS....

    It’s time you stopped whinging on about horror A. Bore. I imagine the entire forum is sick of hearing about it every five minutes. Given your target audience is probably @BigOleDummy its time you considered retiring your hobby.

    I hope you see the errors of your ways very soon.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2017
  13. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Why do I get the impression that Ant is writing these things himself?

    "Wormwood Scrubs" did give me a laugh though.
     
  14. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Your “impression” is, as usual, wrong!!! But thanks for the contribution (limited as it was)!
     
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  15. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Re-read my post. I just edited in some praise.
     
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  16. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    A rare event. Have a “like”
     
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  17. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    We clearly have a lot of issues we need help with on this forum. This just in...

    Dear Agony Ant,

    I like to peep at everyone through my binoculars. Should I mind my own business?


    From Snoopy McNosyson

    AGONY ANT SAYS....


    I understand your urge Snoopy McNosyson. Sometimes if you spot a steeple in the distance you’ve just gotta know whom it belongs to! However, I’m afraid to inform you it is simply none of your business. Are you the type of person who barks orders? Do you also boss people around? One would wonder if these were your hallmarks!!!! Next time, I suggest thinking with your heart and not your snout in future. I wish you well.
     
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  18. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Great advice, Ant. Now I've got some for you. Try some of this stuff:

    [​IMG]
     
  19. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I’m insulted
     
  20. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    You're meant to be.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2017

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