jmc2000's Magnum Opus - Byte One

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by jmc2000, Sep 10, 2017.

  1. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

    Mar 22, 2009
    An acrostic and a limerick for every episode in order. This post covers series one to four.

    1.1 The End

    The hero emerges. Everyone now dead.

    In stasis, our hero slept through
    Three million years of ado.
    His friends are a cat
    And a godawful twat
    So he bitterly misses the crew!

    1.2 Future Echoes

    Fatalism upheld through unexpected reveal. Eerie echoes confuse humans on empty spaceship.

    When travelling faster than light
    Protagonists witness the sight
    Of stuff that is yet
    To befall them, and get
    A misleading and premature fright!

    1.3 Balance of Power

    Briefly ambitious, Lister almost nails chef's exam. Obvious faux pas "outs" weirdly erotic Rimmer.

    Lister is last of the crew
    But planning one heck of a coup -
    And Rimmer's response
    To the white-hatted ponce?
    Like Gordon, an "F word" or two!

    1.4 Waiting for God

    "Warrior alien" in trash inspires naïve guesswork. Frail OAP rebukes God on deathbed.

    It's very surprising and odd
    To find a mysterious pod
    So far into space -
    "It's an alien race!" -
    Or a chicken. That's Waiting for God.

    1.5 Confidence and Paranoia

    Couple of newbies feature in delirious episode. Near-comatose Earthling awakes, nonplussed. Disease produces apparitions, revealing a narrative of inner angst.

    One calls the hero a "prince".
    The other's more likely to wince.
    The first is unwise
    With his helmet and dies -
    The other got turned into mince.

    1.6 Me²

    Matched egos share quarters ungracefully. Arnold Rimmers enter dispute.

    Today I am wondering, really
    Is hell other people, or merely
    A duplicate you
    To the power of two,
    Which Rimmer regretted so dearly?

    2.1 Kryten

    Kindly robot yearns to escape normality.

    A robot had aeons to kill
    With skeleton crewmates until
    He heard they were dead
    And in wonderment said,
    "I thought they all looked a bit ill!"

    2.2 Better Than Life

    Bored explorers try to escape reality. Tony Hawks advocates new life in fake Eden.

    Better Than Life, what a gift!
    In spite of the danger I'm miffed
    There isn't a version
    Of "Total Immersion"
    To play on my Oculus Rift :-(

    2.3 Thanks for the Memory

    The heroes are nonplussed, knowing something feels "off". Rimmer torments himself, erasing manually-entered memory of romantic yesteryear.

    Since Rimmer is lonely, with just
    One ex who was merely concussed,
    His well-wishers rally
    To double his tally
    But not in a way he can trust...

    2.4 Stasis Leak

    Sorcery turns abandoned sh*tter into stargate. Lister's excited about Kochanski.

    Stretching causality thin
    A man and his far-future twin
    Are destined to meet
    At the honeymoon suite
    Of the Ganymede Holiday Inn...

    2.5 Queeg

    Quirky usurper enforces extreme guidelines.

    Lately, the crew are agreed
    Their captain no longer can lead.
    He isn't impressed
    And returns with a jest -
    "Jape of the Decade" indeed!

    2.6 Parallel Universe

    Pursuing a really awkward liaison, Listers embrace like utter narcissists. Ignorant visitors encounter reversed sexism. Enlightening!

    Rimmer has lines by the armful
    Which feminists deem to be harmful.
    His wormdo's a fail
    And the others are stale,
    And none are especially charmful!

    3.1 Backwards

    Starbug's debut. Rimmer's adventure with Kryten continues, albeit backwards.

    Reverse in happen things
    Where Earth to them brings
    Space in door
    Of sort a before
    Skyward Rimmer pull strings.

    3.2 Marooned

    Marooned astronaut resists opening old noodles, eating dogfood.

    They're down to the very last crumb
    But even the hungriest bum
    Who hankers for food'll
    Reject a Pot Noodle
    In favour of Pedigree Chum!

    3.3 Polymorph

    Preying on losers, yucky monster only regenerates, producing horrors.

    Would Rimmer's attempt to beseech a
    Detestable GELF to Give Quiche a
    Chance while revealing
    His innermost feeling
    Deter or encourage that creature?

    3.4 Bodyswap

    Brief overindulgence during years spent without a physique.

    For reasons unlikely and strange
    Our foolhardy heroes arrange
    For Rimmer to trial
    A new body a while
    In a very one-sided exchange!

    3.5 Timeslides

    Through implausible "mutations", even stuff left in darkroom evolves strangely.

    The heroes do time-travel when
    A darkroom turns magic, but then
    Don't think to explore
    Google Images or
    Go back to the darkroom again :-(

    3.6 The Last Day

    Triumphant Hudzen enters like a superhero, triggering de-activation. Yikes!

    The DivaDroid tech support squad'll
    Ensure that upgrading's a doddle
    As long as the one
    You are using is gone
    By the time we dispatch a new model...

    4.1 Camille

    Changeling arrives, morphing into lovely-looking escort.

    When Kryten reacts in surprise
    And lovehearts appear in his eyes
    His five-seven-nines
    Miss the obvious signs
    Of a giant green blob in disguise!

    4.2 DNA

    Deoxyribo-nucleic adventure!

    A newly-made human Kry-ten
    Starts touching his nipples and then
    Shows Lister his new
    "Double polaroid" too -
    Thank god he's a robot again!

    4.3 Justice

    Jail uses strange technology, inverting crimes' effects.

    It's easy to be a self-harmer
    When dogged by compulsory karma
    (A gimmick so nice
    They made use of it twice -
    Though not quite as well in Samsara).

    4.4 White Hole

    When Holly is turbocharged, experiment harms overall life expectancy.

    The crew are unfortunate when
    They super-charge Holly and then
    Are doomed to revisit
    The question "What is it?"
    Again and again and again...

    4.5 Dimension Jump

    Divisions in multiverse explore nurture's subtle influence on nature. Judicious upbringing moulds personality.

    Rimmer's remarkably lame,
    Convinced that his genes are to blame -
    But somewhere in space
    Is a valiant Ace,
    Succeeding in spite of the same...

    4.6 Meltdown

    Meeting Elvis leads to downfall of wax Napoleon.

    "Good morning, good morning!" he said -
    This general with "H" on his head.
    "He seems a nice geezer,"
    Said Mother Teresa
    To Gandhi - but now they are dead.

    (Inspired by Siegfried Sassoon's poem "The General".)
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2017
  2. Pembers in a Pear Tree

    Pembers in a Pear Tree Console Officer

    Jan 4, 2013
    I saw the thread title and thought you were giving detailed thoughts on an ice cream you had.
    Nicoca-cola Truck and jmc2000 like this.
  3. BigOleDummy

    BigOleDummy Console Officer

    Sep 16, 2017
    Kiss My Shiny Metal Ass
    Wow.... now that was good! How long did it take you to do all that?
    jmc2000 likes this.
  4. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

    Mar 22, 2009
    Thank you, Bigolé! It took a long time, but more in terms of calendar time than actual man-hours. I got really stuck on a couple. I'll do bytes two and three in due course :-)

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