norman lovett not changing his mind

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by talkie3000, Jun 13, 2011.

  1. 57194q

    57194q Guest

    and 'april fools' was a dave hollins gag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  2. Paul Taylor

    Paul Taylor Console Officer

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    Is that possible? :shock: I'm not sure that's possible.
    *Looks it up on Wikipedia*
     
  3. Cloud

    Cloud Console Officer

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    of course it is not possible. I am 100% correct 100% of the time.
     
  4. Paul Taylor

    Paul Taylor Console Officer

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    Since it seems to be the way this thread is going, I'd like to add that, even though I'm a series 8 fan, one of the biggest disappointments Red Dwarf has ever given to me (one of very few) is the near complete failure of Norman to be funny on his return as Holly. I don't put that down to him. His lines were trash. The 'You're finished/Bye' line was perhaps the only funny thing he said in the entire series. Even that was weakened by another of those series 8 line repetitions, specifically Rimmer's shouting of the words, 'We're finished!'

    There were none of the nuances in his senility that made his character such a joy in the first two series, or even the absent-minded ditziness of Hattie's Holly. It was as though he had turned into the unbelievably-stupid-but-still-loved best friend of the main character you would find in some weaker sitcoms, except he didn't even fulfil that role.

    There's still lots I love about series 8, though, and I couldn't give a stuffed tomato what the rest of you say.:-D So, given that, I embrace Mr Flobble as someone who is willing to state views that are unpopular, and think nothing less of him just because those views are so very, very wrong.;-)
     
  5. sundayforsammy

    sundayforsammy Deck Sergeant

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    I've just started to watch series 8 and thought this Holly line was one of the better ones. Its from ep1

    Lister " If the board of enquiry finds us guilty tommorow, what happens then?"
    Holly " Well they'd probabaly have a pot of tea, a bit of a chat then go home i suppose."

    Had me laughing.
     
  6. Paul Taylor

    Paul Taylor Console Officer

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    Actually, that was a good line!:lol:
     
  7. sundayforsammy

    sundayforsammy Deck Sergeant

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    Another one i liked is this one, although it's not word for word it went something like this.

    Holly " I bet you can't guess what it is. "
    " No clues"
    " There, I knew you wouldn't get it"
     
  8. Paul Taylor

    Paul Taylor Console Officer

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    Can't join you with that one. I thought it was pointless.
     
  9. Mardroid

    Mardroid Console Officer

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    Some might find this a bit puerile, but found this Series 8 line amusing (in context:-(

    "Times like this, I'm glad I'm just a head."
     
  10. Paul Taylor

    Paul Taylor Console Officer

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    I remember the line, but not the context.
     
  11. 57194q

    57194q Guest

    cone on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    what about 'were giving u a 2nd chance at life and the chance to screw it up in a new and original way'????????????
    thats comody gold or ' thoery of relitivity' or 'no time to lose you sould head for the nearest one of these/i do great moon impresions' and who can forget'man who becomes dog'???????????????????????????????????
     
  12. Paul Taylor

    Paul Taylor Console Officer

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    I'll give you a point for the 'giving you a second chance' line, but I'm deducting 3 points for the dreadful and obvious 'theory of relativity' line, the frankly poor moon impression, and the inexcusably bad and drawn out dog operation skit.

    I can't. And, trust me, I've tried.:-(
     
  13. Mardroid

    Mardroid Console Officer

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    It was the scene when the Carnaries are on the shuttle and Kryten tells them about the awful time he spent with the ladies in the showers... then wondered if he'd travelled through a time anomaly when he saw the rest of the crews' reaction.
    "Why am I unaffected?", etc.
     
  14. Paul Taylor

    Paul Taylor Console Officer

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    Oh, right! Yeah, not bad.:-D
     
  15. talkie3000

    talkie3000 Deck Sergeant

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    All this talk about dreadful s08 gags being classics makes me fear for the future of the show
     
  16. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    I find that whole scene excruciating. It's a microcosm of Series 8: toilet humour, bad performances, forced comedy, jokes taken way too far, etc.
     
  17. Angelic_Storm

    Angelic_Storm Catering Officer

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    That scene is from Krytie TV... the only classic line in that whole episode was Kryten's "If you'll excuse me, I forgot who I was for a moment! I'm a woman and proud of it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be with my with my fellow sisters, doing it for ourselves!" lol xD
     
  18. sundayforsammy

    sundayforsammy Deck Sergeant

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    Nooooooooo ! Sorry all really poor lines and more cringe worthy than the most cringy of the crigiest crackers in Cringetown.
     
  19. 57194q

    57194q Guest

    what about series 7 'all right there dudes'or that one about the sock basket or '2 years in the brig'???:lol:
     
  20. 57194q

    57194q Guest

    All right, dudes. Anyone fancy a game of charades using just your noses,
    or is this a bad time?

    You don't even fancy a bit of a quick one? Science-fiction film, name of
    the ship, one word:
    The Nostrilomo! Spent a week thinking that one up! Good, innit?

    LISTER
    What's your view, Holl?

    HOLLY
    Straight up your nose when you lean in like that.

    I hope we don't get stopped by the cops. They don't like it when you're
    rat-arsed...

    LISTER
    They don't know about you yet, Holl. It might be an idea to keep it that
    way. I need some info. If the board of enquiry find us guilty tomorrow, what
    happens then?

    HOLLY
    Well, they'll probably have a pot of tea, a bit of a chat, and go
    home, I suppose.

    LISTER
    So who knew?

    HOLLY
    Well, all the officers, and anyone who's ever seen the Twilight Zone.

    LISTER
    So what's it like, this brig?

    HOLLY
    Well if I was an estate agent, I'd probably describe it as an old-style
    penal establishment, abundant wildlife, two-hundred bedrooms, all with
    ensuite buckets.

    LISTER
    What are they like? No don't tell me, I already know. They're all
    deranged, hairy no-lobes with breath like old nappies, arms like toilet
    walls... scum of the universe. They're all like that, aren't they?

    HOLLY
    Well, the nice ones are, yeah.

    NIGEL
    I'm Nigel. I'm nice!

    [HOLLY re-appears]

    HOLLY
    See what I mean? They're not all headbangers. Nige is lovely, though he
    does tend to get a bit narky if you go too close to him with a magnet.

    RIMMER
    Is Paris a kind of plaster? You bet I am! A tiny swigette to see if it
    works. Well, bottoms up!
    Then bottoms down, and hopefully bottoms up again!

    [A message flashes on HOLLY's screen: "SICKBAGS ON STANDBY"]


    HOLLY
    I have, actually, Dave. I've devoted all my runtime to looking for a
    loophole in the prison regs, and I think I've come up with something that
    means that you can serve your entire two year sentence in just fourteen
    weeks.

    LISTER
    Oh brilliant, what've I got to do?


    [-- 4 - Viewscreen --------------------------------------------------0:31--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    Become a dog.


    [-- 5 - Int. Cell ---------------------------------------------------0:33--]

    [LISTER present]

    LISTER
    A dog?


    [-- 6 - Viewscreen --------------------------------------------------0:40--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    According to my data banks, dog years are seven times shorter than human
    years.


    [-- 7 - Int. Cell ---------------------------------------------------0:45--]

    [LISTER present]

    [LISTER listens with admirable patience]


    [-- 8 - Viewscreen --------------------------------------------------0:46--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    As a plan you can't fault it on it's mathematics.


    [-- 9 - Int. Cell ---------------------------------------------------0:49--]

    [LISTER present]

    LISTER
    No, but maybe you can fault it on the fact that I'm not a dog!


    [-- 10 - Viewscreen -------------------------------------------------0:52--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    Yeah, but according to a twentieth century newspaper called the National
    Enquirer, the operation's quite straightforward.


    [-- 11 - Int. Cell --------------------------------------------------0:59--]

    [LISTER present]

    [LISTER can't help but listen as HOLLY rambles on]


    [-- 12 - Viewscreen -------------------------------------------------1:01--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    A 'Roverostomy' they call it.


    [-- 13 - Int. Cell --------------------------------------------------1:04--]

    [LISTER present]

    [His head resting in one hand now, LISTER shakes his head sadly]


    [-- 14 - Viewscreen -------------------------------------------------1:05--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    There's a photograph here of a bloke who had it done.


    [-- 15 - Still photograph -------------------------------------------1:09--]

    [A magazine page appears. On it is a full page picture of a large, white
    dog, and across the top of the page is a huge banner that reads
    "Exclusive". In smaller text towards the bottom of the page is the lead-in:
    "Man Becomes Dog", and the line: "Fetching pictures and full story on
    page 8" is under that]


    [-- 16 - Int. Cell --------------------------------------------------1:12--]

    [LISTER present]

    LISTER
    That's a dog!


    [-- 17 - Viewscreen -------------------------------------------------1:14--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    See how convincing it is? Even you're fooled!


    [-- 18 - Int. Cell --------------------------------------------------1:19--]

    [LISTER present]

    LISTER
    "Become a dog"? That is, without doubt, the stupidest, crappyest, most
    pathetic plan you've come up with all week.


    [-- 19 - Viewscreen -------------------------------------------------1:25--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    Give me a chance - it's only Monday.

    LISTER
    Yeah, I'm appealing.

    HOLLY
    That's a minority view.

    HOLLY
    You've gotta deal with your grief, man. Breakup is very much like a
    bereavement: its usually followed by a cremation and some sandwiches.

    LISTER
    You haven't got a clue what you're on about, have you?

    HOLLY
    Mark my words: time is a great healer. Unless you've got a rash, in which
    case you're better off with ointment.

    LISTER
    Holl, we need some advice, man. We've been cornered by a T-Rex that was
    formerly a sparrow, and the only thing that can turn it back into Woody
    Woodpecker is in it's stomach. What's your take on the situation?

    HOLLY
    What do you want, the long or the short version?

    LISTER
    Ooh... long.

    [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--]

    HOLLY
    You're finished.

    [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--]

    CAT
    What's the short version??

    [-- xx - Int./Ext. Scene desc. --------------------------------------x:xx--]

    HOLLY
    'Bye.

    Thought you might like to hear some hot off the press, official insider
    information.
    There's gonna be a cell inspection in about ten minutes. Keep it under
    your hat.

    [Enter GUARD]

    GUARD
    Cell inspection in ten minutes.

    HOLLY
    When it comes to being ahead of the game, I'm your man.


    HOLLY
    I've hacked into the ship's computer system; got into the prison log. I've
    also managed to get a goosey at the supplies inventory. Discovered stuff in
    there that'll make your hair stand on end...

    [-- 15 - Int. Cell --------------------------------------------------9:59--]

    [RIMMER, LISTER present]

    LISTER
    What stuff?


    [-- 16 - Computer viewscreen ---------------------------------------10:01--]

    [HOLLY present]

    HOLLY
    'Brylcreme', it's called. Y' put it on your head, and it makes your hair
    stand on end. Apparently we've only got two jars left, so if you need some,
    let me know.
    As soon as I've got anything else that'll be useful I'll be back.


    KRYTEN
    We need an antidote. Something that can neutralise the corrosive
    negativity of the microbe.

    LISTER
    Something with a corrosive *positivity*?

    CAT
    So where do we get that?

    HOLLY [on LISTER's wristwatch]
    There's nothing in Yellow Pages.




    that is every single holly gag from seires 8(-BITR3:-(shock:.
    how funny are they?:twisted:
     

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