Red Dwarf: Computer Man Chapter II

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by Eddiebadassdavis, Jun 20, 2018.

  1. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Catering Officer

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    Chapter II

    “That was me before i was a computer, before i even fell in love

    With the girl of my dreams”


    Holly looked from blankly to a sort of sad face

    “That was me before i was a computer, before i even fell in love

    With the girl of my dreams” he said looking down into nothing.

    “Who was she Hol” Lister in a questionable look he leaned on the table

    Of computers in the drive deck. “She was called Hilly” he said looking up

    At Lister “she was the only friend since i was retarded and had the IQ of

    40 at the time” he said Rimmer laughed his cocky voice came in

    “So you’re telling me that you were human at the time”

    He said. Lister looked up like if he had a very important question

    “So you're telling me that i don’t have to be the only human around here

    Anymore?” he said Lister’s face soon became red in excitement,

    “Alright Hol open the file and switch Rimmer off” he said.

    From Listers smile to Rimmers turned to alarmed expression

    He rose from sitting on a holo seat, “you can’t do that, you can’t turn me off” he said in anger from hearing what Holly and Lister were talking about. “Its alright i will have 24hrs of living on a boring old space ship

    With a bloke (Lister) who eats curry and off kippers everyday and a hologram (Rimmer) who is a complete total smeghead”.


    Lister,Rimmer and Cat all stood as they waited and watched Holly transforming into a full grown man, the boys all looked in horror as they

    Saw this tall and muscular man who just looked liked Holly

    He looked around confused and turned to the others

    “Hello, i'm uhh” he said in a freak out sort of voice, Lister came and took

    Hold of him “hey its alright im Lister thats Cat” Cat smiled and said hi

    He’s smile had let out he’s two cat teeth “and that is ….. Rimmer”

    Lister said in a low not happy voice.

    He looked at the three, the boys all looked back at him.


    Moments later Lister was sitting on the top bunk of the bed

    Holly was sitting down reading Rimmer’s weird monthly magazine

    Looking confused, maybe looking at the pictures “so what's it like being human” questioned Lister Holly turned around, his senile mind and his dumb retarded personality mixed together.

    “Well if you have 24 hrs to live i would say” silence came “about the feeling of being at your grandparents house” he said

    Lister came off the bunk “24 hrs!” he said “wow its like waiting for father christmas and you have 24 hrs to live” Lister said Rimmer came walking in

    “Ahh how are you too you big slimed slick smeghead” Rimmer said

    He sat down on the chair “ Lister and Holly all looked at him there was

    Silence like if some big git just farted or just said something that made you uncomfortable “so Hol you wanna get some currys down at B deck”

    He said “well sure” he said “if its very indian, i would take a sandwich”

    Holly said Lister looked in the irony and weirdness of what Holly said

    “Uhh so you wanna go know” he said, they both left the room.



     
  2. Underdunn

    Underdunn Supply Officer

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    I liked the bit where Holly and Lister looked in the irony and weirdness of what Holly said.

    But where is the Nun?!
     
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  3. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    This...this is beautiful :'(
     
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  4. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Yes, it's pure poetic language.
     
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  5. Abe

    Abe Deck Sergeant

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    That sentence finally made me understand what @Diet_coke is always whining about.
     
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  6. Underdunn

    Underdunn Supply Officer

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    I liked the bit where Lister and Holly all looked at him.
     
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  7. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I liked that too. It was as if the characters came to life and started writing for themselves, and then got confused about wtf was going on.
     
  8. Pembers

    Pembers Console Officer

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    This is the best Red Dwarf story ever.
     
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  9. Underdunn

    Underdunn Supply Officer

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    @Eddiebadassdavis how long do we need to wait till chapter 3? and how many chapters are there?
     
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  10. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Where’s Billy Casper?

    Ps this made me laugh a lot

    “she was the only friend since i was retarded and had the IQ of 40 at the time....”
     
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  11. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Catering Officer

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    Spoilers
     
  12. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Catering Officer

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    Stop talking about the bin she is just a one off character and i have a sudden urge to say Shut the f@#$
     
  13. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Catering Officer

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  14. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I think the bin will end up playing a bigger role in all this.
     
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  15. Underdunn

    Underdunn Supply Officer

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    I'm sad you would refer to the Nun as 'the bin' - a true writer should have respect and love for all their characters. I had been enjoying this story up until now. :-(

    None the less I will still offer you a bonus 'word of the day' outside of my usual thread.

    Do you see that thing you did where you replaced a swear word with a series of symobols? Did you know there's a word for that? Well there is! And it's called a--

    --GRAWLIX!!
     
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  16. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Catering Officer

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    Sorry auto correct sucks
     
  17. Asclepius

    Asclepius Deck Sergeant

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    Terrible autocorrect, which replaces "nun" with "bin". :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
     
  18. Abe

    Abe Deck Sergeant

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    I'd recommend reading your posts before posting them, and if that fails, using the 'edit' button.
     
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  19. Underdunn

    Underdunn Supply Officer

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    THE WORLD DEMANDS CHAPTER III
     
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  20. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Catering Officer

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    Its coming i was so very busy
     

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