Red Dwarf Limericks

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century, Apr 5, 2017.

  1. Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century

    Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century Supply Officer

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    There was a young woman from a parallel dimension
    Whose appearance caused Lister and Kryten much tension
    She put salad cream in the cupboard
    And constantly blubbered
    To this day she's a bone of contention
     
  2. R.I.P. 2000

    R.I.P. 2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Good thread. I nearly entered the Red Dwarf-themed limerick competition, but didn't in the end. My entry was going to be:

    Lister's a man with a vice,
    Thinks curry for breakfast is nice,
    What pressure it puts
    On his sensitive guts -
    He's had his appendix out twice!
     
  3. R.I.P. 2000

    R.I.P. 2000 Deck Sergeant

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    It's very surprising and odd
    To find a mysterious pod
    So far into space -
    "It's an alien race!" -
    Or a chicken. That's Waiting for God.
     
    Strat-tastic likes this.
  4. yoserian

    yoserian First Technician

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    it's not a chicken.
    it's a quagaar.
    and DO NOT TOUCH IT
    as IT's probably with salmonella.
    and you'll be sick for
    a couple of days

    NOT a limerick,
    but IS a WARNING about ...
    QUAAGARS ,,,

    double A actually,
    like AA.
     
  5. yoserian

    yoserian First Technician

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    it's not a chicken.
    it's a quagaar.
    and DO NOT TOUCH IT
    as IT's probably with salmonella.
    and you'll be sick for
    a couple of days

    NOT a limerick,
    but IS a WARNING about ...
    QUAAGARS ,,,

    double A actually,
    like AA.
     
  6. yoserian

    yoserian First Technician

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    it's not a chicken.
    it's a quagaar.
    and DO NOT TOUCH IT
    as IT's probably with salmonella.
    and you'll be sick for
    a couple of days

    NOT a limerick,
    but IS a WARNING about ...
    QUAAGARS ,,,

    double A actually,
    like AA.
     
  7. Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century

    Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century Supply Officer

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    It's Quagaars, isn't it.

    There was a young man from Liverpool
    Whose craving for curry was never full
    Now he's stuck in deep-space
    With Rimmer that's not Ace
    And Cat, whose religion bans cool
     
  8. Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century

    Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century Supply Officer

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    There was a time-drive from the 28th century
    The Dwarfers' understanding of it: rudimentary
    They went to the past
    But were quite aghast
    To find they had, in fact, stayed sedentary
     
  9. R.I.P. 2000

    R.I.P. 2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Beyond a Joke

    My maker designed me to vex -
    A foe of the opposite sex -
    Depressing? You betcha!
    My whole raison d'ĂȘtre
    Is merely lampooning her ex.
     
  10. R.I.P. 2000

    R.I.P. 2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Balance of Power

    Lister is last of the crew -
    But planning a heck of a coup -
    And Rimmer's response
    To the white-hatted ponce?
    Like Gordon, an "F word" or two!
     
  11. Dismembers

    Dismembers Deck Sergeant

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    Its cold outside so they said,
    we'll be warm here inside the red,
    the scutters will scurry
    after the scouse one has had his curry,
    that gas is something to dread.
     
  12. R.I.P. 2000

    R.I.P. 2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Ooh...

    Red Dwarf Theme

    It's chilly outside, I can see.
    No air there can possibly be.
    I'm all on my own -
    Well nearly alone! -
    And desperately trying to flee.

    Fun in the sun, in the sun.
    Fun in the sun, in the sun.
    Fun in the sun?
    Fun in the sun!
    Fun in the sun, in the sun.

    All that I want is to doze,
    Marooned in a dreamy repose,
    Enjoying a drink
    Of mango, I think,
    While fish go to town on my toes.

    Fun in the sun, in the sun.
    Fun in the sun, in the sun.
    Fun in the sun?
    Fun in the sun!
    Fun in the sun, in the sun.
     
  13. R.I.P. 2000

    R.I.P. 2000 Deck Sergeant

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    I've got to hand it to Deep Space - this thread p***es all over the haikus.
     
  14. Dismembers

    Dismembers Deck Sergeant

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    For over 3 million years,
    Always hiding the tears,
    Solace comes from the beers,
    The end, where it started, now nears.
     
  15. R.I.P. 2000

    R.I.P. 2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Lemons

    My lingering question is how're
    They getting to Earth in a shower
    And back with (I quote)
    A "returner remote"
    And a bagful of lemons for power.
     
  16. Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century

    Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century Supply Officer

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    Lemons

    There's a logical dearth
    In this trip back to Earth:
    Why would a shower
    Have remote-control power?
    Best give it a wide berth
     
  17. Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century

    Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century Supply Officer

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    Dear Dave

    Lister was feeling deprived
    But then a post-pod arrived
    With two letters penned
    By a new ex-girlfriend
    It's all just a wee bit contrived
     
  18. R.I.P. 2000

    R.I.P. 2000 Deck Sergeant

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    lol!

    Talking of Lemons, it's twee -
    That English is heard fluent-ly -
    So close to the birth
    Of our saviour on Earth
    In the Year of Our Lord, Twenty-Three.
     
  19. Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century

    Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century Supply Officer

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    A similar thing we could say
    Is what did they use to pay
    In the year twenty-three
    Dollarpound currency
    Would surely be turned away
     
  20. Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century

    Deep_Space_in_the_15th_Century Supply Officer

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    I hate to be rude
    But what was their food
    Walking out so far East
    Would require a feast
    Lister and Cat would be screwed
     

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