Single funniest line in each ep?

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by jmc2000, Feb 19, 2017.

  1. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    What's the single funniest line in each episode of Red Dwarf?

    To get the ball rolling... in The End, my personal favourite is:

    HOLLY: He's dead, Dave - everybody's dead - everybody - is - dead - Dave!
     
  2. Pembers

    Pembers Deck Sergeant

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    Kryten: (In Kryten)

    "My god, well I was only away 2 minutes."
     
  3. OurJud

    OurJud Deck Sergeant

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    Better Than Life.

    LISTER: "That's your excuse for everything, isn't it -- being dead?"
     
  4. Seb

    Seb Captain Staff Member

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    Rimmerworld: "Or we could use the teleporter."
     
  5. Callisto252

    Callisto252 Supply Officer

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    From the last episode I watched, Marooned.

    "Because you see Lister... believe it or not... he told me... that in a previous incarnation... I was... Alexander the Great's chief eunuch".

    It's the delivery as much as anything - pregnant pauses and all - but I also have in mind that smeg up where Craig Charles totally cracks up at that line. I find it impossible not to laugh no matter how many times I've seen it!
     
  6. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Argh, I'm really flip-flopping. Now I'm starting to wonder if:

    HOLLY: Gordon Bennett! Yes! Chen - everybody. Everybody's dead, Dave.

    ...is funnier?

    Agreed. I think this one's pretty uncontroversial.

    Agreed. A nice pay-off to the whole set piece.

    Less sure about this one. I'd have to re-watch the episode. The first time I saw it, my biggest laugh was:

    Rimmer (turning in the chair:-( Krrry ten!

    Need to re-watch both of these, although I do remember "teleporter" being a highlight.

    Definitely a strong highlight, but I *think* I prefer:

    RIMMER: Your guitar was made of camphor wood!
     
  7. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Me²:

    Rimmer: STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!!!

    Probably a contender for the all-time top five, IMHO.
     
  8. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Me²

    A self-loathing man
    Coming face-to-face with his
    Own worst enemy.
     
  9. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    What a bell-end - wrong thread!!
     
  10. OurJud

    OurJud Deck Sergeant

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    Parallel Universe.

    Lister: "You're a sad weasel of a man, d'you know that, Rimmer?"

    It's his matter-of-fact tone in which he says it that cracks me up.
     
  11. Pembers

    Pembers Deck Sergeant

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    Is that from a deleted scene?
     
  12. Freeborn

    Freeborn Flight Co-Ordinator

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    That's one of my favourite lines in any series. Partly because it's such a sci-fi specific gag, as opposed to one that could fit into most sitcoms.


    Polymorph

    Rimmer: "Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major - and I mean major - leaflet campaign."

    Emohawk: Polymorph II

    Lister: "Change of plan. Leg it!"

    Alternatively..

    Kryten: "Sir, try to remain calm. You're experiencing a classic knee-jerk, paranoid reaction to a terror situation. It's essential at this time that we - IT'S THE WALL! *shoots the wall*. Shame overload. I... I... I sorry."
     
  13. Callisto252

    Callisto252 Supply Officer

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    That's definitely up there, but I think for Emohawk I'd go with: "He's looking so geeky, I don't think he could even get into a science fiction convention". I love how it appears to take a cheeky little swipe at the audience (though I imagine attending SF conventions was much more of a niche activity in '93 than it is today).


    Also, one of my all time favourites:

    Thanks for the Memory

    Rimmer: "I feel like I'm having a baby!"
     
  14. Freeborn

    Freeborn Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Yeah I did consider that one (and should perhaps have stuck with it). It's a great line :-)

    In a similar vain:

    The Last Day

    Lister: "Don't give me that Star Trek crap, it's too early in the morning."
     
  15. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Ah - some clear differences of opinion now emerging!

    For Polymorph, I have to go for the classic (and tee shirt-worthy) line from Lister:

    LISTER: Well I say let's get out there and tw*t it.

    Another top five contender, IMHO.

    Emohawk - I endorse "Change of plan - leg it!"

    Thanks For the Memory - my personal fave is:

    HOLLY: And then they did a jigsaw.

    ...with an honourable mention to:

    RIMMER: That's why I had my appendix out. Twice.

    I'd have to re-watch The Last Day - I can't remember many of the gags! "Star Trek crap" was certainly a goodie.
     
  16. Abe

    Abe Deck Sergeant

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    My personal favorite from Polymorph is the couple lines surrounding the Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society - not that good of a line by itself, but the way it just nonchalantly rolls of Chris Barrie's tongue and the conversation moves on like nothing ever happened makes it, well, really good.
     
  17. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    You're allowed to factor in delivery - it doesn't have to stand alone as a hilarious witticism on paper :-)

    However, you do have to boil it down to the single line that amused you most. Hence my difficulty in pinning down the big laugh from the "everybody's dead" set piece.
     
  18. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Well it was certainly a smeg-up :-)
     
  19. Abe

    Abe Deck Sergeant

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    On paper, the funniest line in Polymorph is probably Kryten's deleted 'smeghead' line.
     
  20. jmc2000

    jmc2000 Deck Sergeant

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    Objection, Your Honour!!! A deleted line is no longer "in" the episode and can't be considered.
     

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