So what is it?

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by Gluben, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. aceduder

    aceduder Catering Officer

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    Behind you!!! Ha Ha made you look!
    Kryten figured it out eh? good old Kryten but did he have to fugure it out quite so fast? Would it have killed him to have taken 10 more minutes? Five? Two would have done!!
     
  2. Weevil

    Weevil Deck Sergeant

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    Kryten, I don't care what model it was. No vacuum cleaner should give a human being a double polaroid.
     
  3. Tex_Rimmer

    Tex_Rimmer First Technician

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    It's your diary. I didn't know you sent secret love letters to Carol McCauley.
     
  4. Daniel

    Daniel Console Officer

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    Carol, your eyes are like two limpid pools of loveliness. Your hair is golden waterfall. Plus those short skirts you wear make me really horny
     
  5. Stephen

    Stephen Console Officer

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    I hate her!
     
  6. Weevil

    Weevil Deck Sergeant

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    We used to do it all the time, back home. We used to go down to the canal. Never any fish in that! We used to go condom fishing. I swear! One time I caught this two-pound black ribbed nobler! It was about that big!
     
  7. GTaDave

    GTaDave Catering Officer

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    Does anyone have the keys to the medical cabinet? I have this sudden urge to suffocate myself with a two pound black ribbed nobbler!
     
  8. Kit_Cat

    Kit_Cat Third Technician

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    Lister to Red Dwarf. We have in our midst a complete smeg pot. Brains in the anal region. Chin absent -- presumed missing. Genitalia
    small and inoffensive. Of no value or interest.
     
  9. Daniel

    Daniel Console Officer

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    Binks to Enlightenment: human being shows evidence of primative humour. Has knowledge of irony, satire and imitation. With patient tuition, could possibly master simple tasks
     
  10. Starwithastar

    Starwithastar Catering Officer

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    [my personal favoured response to "So what is it?":]

    Let's at least ask someone who's going to give us a slightly more intelligent opinion.

    Hello, wall - what do you think?!
     
  11. Weevil

    Weevil Deck Sergeant

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    So all of a sudden they wake up one mornin' and the Greeks have gone. And there outside the city walls they've left this gift; this tribute to their valiant foes: a huge wooden horse, just large enough to happily contain 500 Greeks in full battle dress and still leave adequate room for toilet facilities? Are you telling me not one Trojan goes, "Hang on a minute, that's a bit of a funny prezzy. What's wrong with a couple hundred pairs of socks and some aftershave?" No, they don't -- they just wheel it in and all decide to go for an early night!
    People that stupid deserve to be kerpowed, zapped and kersplatted in their beds! You know what the big joke is? From this particular phase in history we derive the phrase, "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," when it would be much more logical to derive the phrase, "Beware of Trojans, they're complete smegheads!"
     
  12. hubbard

    hubbard Deck Sergeant

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    Will you shut up Holden Im trying to make the kid rich...
     
  13. Stephen

    Stephen Console Officer

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    Continue captain.
     
  14. RedDwarf09

    RedDwarf09 Second Technician

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    Lister of Smeg :-D
     
  15. Weevil

    Weevil Deck Sergeant

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    What is *wrong* with you? You don't smoke, you never say "bet your ass", and you never use your groinal attachment to stir anybody's tea!
     
  16. jacksmith

    jacksmith Catering Officer

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    so uptight! *glug*
     
  17. Tex_Rimmer

    Tex_Rimmer First Technician

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    It's an opera... 'Magic Flute'? Okay, we each hum a section of an aria, and the others have to guess which character is singing. It's really good, 'cos, you can, like, throw each other off the scent! Once, Dave - my Dave - he sang The Birdcatcher's Song in the GERMAN translation, and it was hilarious! We all, like, totally fell about! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  18. Daniel

    Daniel Console Officer

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    Were you going through a meteor shower?
     
  19. jacksmith

    jacksmith Catering Officer

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    I didn't know they had a duty-free-shop.
     
  20. Weevil

    Weevil Deck Sergeant

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    I see, and you thought that the best way for me to start this program of relaxation was to tell me my brains are about to explode. You've got the bedside manner of an abattoir giblet gutter
     

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