The single best joke in all of Red Dwarf...

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by jedshepherd, Dec 15, 2015.

  1. jedshepherd

    jedshepherd Console Officer

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    During the filming of episode 5 of Series XI, Cat had one line (as part of quite a long sequence) which I thought may be on par with the funniest line I've ever heard in Red Dwarf. Im not sure if it was the romance of seeing it in front of me, but days later, I still find it hilarious.

    [​IMG]


    It got me thinking, whats the single funniest joke/line/sequence to you in all of Red Dwarf?

    Got a feeling this one is going to be hotly debated!


    jed
     
  2. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    What's with the completely random screenshot from the Big Bang Theory? I've never seen the show, but I remember people posting on the forum about the Red Dwarf reference when it occurred.

    Anyway, on the subject of the funniest ever Red Dwarf joke, it's difficult to say for me. There are plenty of lines over the years that made me laugh out loud at the time, but of course now I'm familiar with them the vast majority of them don't get any reaction from me when I rewatch episodes.

    But one moment that manages to do this is when transvestite Rimmer makes his first appearance walking down the stairs in Demons and Angels (I suppose this can count as a visual joke). I don't know if it ever made me laugh out loud (perhaps the first time I saw the episode back in 1992), but it's about the one thing in Red Dwarf that always raises at least a smile whenever I rewatch the episode. For that reason, that would be probably be my favourite ever Red Dwarf joke.
     
  3. Diet_coke

    Diet_coke Science Officer

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    The one that's in my mind straight away is
     
  4. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Yes, Harry? Don't keep us waiting.
     
  5. simulant37

    simulant37 Science Officer

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    He's holding a Red Dwarf DVD boxset so it is not "completely random"...
     
  6. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    It still doesn't relate to the subject in hand ('The single best joke in all of Red Dwarf...') though, does it?
     
  7. simulant37

    simulant37 Science Officer

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    No. Unless the screenshot is from an episode where they discuss the single best joke in all of Red Dwarf. Either way it's not "completely random".
    Anyway, I will have to give the subject of this thread more consideration...if you please & try to learn to ignore your negative slant on most things x
     
  8. Seb

    Seb Captain Staff Member

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    A while ago someone on Tumblr asked me for my top 5 RD jokes, and I came back with:

    5. "You spoke to five people, and they all committed suicide. I wouldn't mind, but one was a wrong number! He only phoned up for the cricket scores!"
    4. "Sirs, they've taken Mr. Rimmer!" "Quick, let's get out of here before they bring him back!"
    3. "I've always got a pen."
    2. "Not really... I need it to turn the lights on and off!"
    1. "Or we could use the teleporter."

    I would probably also try to find room for this exchange:

    "Where are you coming from, Rimmer? You don't even like me!"
    "Don't I?"
    "No."
    "Fine."
    "You don't, though, do yer? You don't even like me."
    "That's what you think, is it?"
    "Yeah."
    "I will tell you something that will probably stun you rigid..."
    "What?"
    "You're right, I don't like you."
     
  9. jedshepherd

    jedshepherd Console Officer

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    I think I googled "all of red dwarf" and I guess that was the complete box set (not including Dave stuff).

    I was thinking people might say the boxer shorts thing in Polymorph!
     
  10. jedshepherd

    jedshepherd Console Officer

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    Number 4 on that list gets me every time.
     
  11. andyedge

    andyedge First Technician

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    Let's get out there and twat it! :-D
     
  12. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    I think I must be the only person who never found that moment amusing.
     
  13. simulant37

    simulant37 Science Officer

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    You really were deserving of that award...:roll:
     
  14. pad_ehh

    pad_ehh Catering Officer

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    I'm surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet:-

    "Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb"
     
  15. Dismembers

    Dismembers Deck Sergeant

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    Holly revealing he was Queeg all along and their reaction.
     
  16. Simonr1978

    Simonr1978 Deck Sergeant

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    I've never really found that scene to be all that great to be honest and I still think it's pretty over-rated.

    I'd agree though that I thought the ending of Queeg was brilliant, I'm not sure that I could chose a single best although some other favourites of mine are the "Now I know why dogs lick their testicles" (That one's spoiled slightly by unnecessarily following it up with the needless explanation), "But you were an utter twat!" from Trojan and the already mentioned Light bulb and light switch exchanges from series VI.
     
  17. jedshepherd

    jedshepherd Console Officer

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    You're totally right, the dog licking thing was good enough without the addendum!
     
  18. Sarah

    Sarah Console Officer

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    I couldn't pick one single joke there are just to many:-D
     
  19. Curryman

    Curryman Deck Sergeant

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    One of my favourites is from the very first series:

    Lister: Rimmer, do you, ah, do you remember Kristine Kochanski?
    Rimmer: Navigation officer? Yes, I remember her. Snooty cow. She used to look down on me. She used to call me "Rimmer."
    Lister: Everybody called you "Rimmer."
    Rimmer: Well, it's the way she said it, though. Rimmer. Rimmer. To rhyme with "scum."

    This may have been the moment that sealed my love of Red Dwarf forever.
     
  20. Springyard

    Springyard Third Technician

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    Quotes give or take a word. Visually, the genius of the camera shot through the guitar shaped hole of the camphor wood trunk of his flared nostrilness in Marooned. In the same episode, after Rimmer tells Lister that he made love in his father's Bentley, Lister asks what it was like. "Magnificent. Walnut burr panelling.."

    Also, the deadpan look on Danny John-Jules face as they're looking for 'a Dwayne Dibbley' in Back to Reality. As Polymorph 2 so eloquently put it, 'The Duke of Dork'. Highly lovable though. Cat did great deadpanning again with the coincidence virus in series X.

    David Ross as the first Kryten got a 'wendy house' moment (look it up about Only Fools and Horses) when he said, upon being informed that the skeletal crew are dead 'But I've only been away a few minutes' (or 2 mins or whatever). Rimmer has some excellent replies: "They've got less meat on them than a Chicken McNugget' and he performs the 'simple test' of asking anyone who's still alive to put their hands up.

    Llewelyn's Kryten 'wendy house' moment in a series 6 episode when Rimmer says that he wants to go to blue alert "Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb".

    Kryten, viewing Rimmer's holiday slides of the diesel decks and being told that they might not have time to see them all : "Sir, that's a chance I'm willing to take".

    Kyten's line in series 6 was iconic to me as a pop culture geek moment about Starbug 'This old baby's crashed more times than a ZX81'.
    Kryten's had LOADS of great jokes but, as they don't tend to be nasty, and are part of long speeches, sometimes physical comedy too, I have to remind myself of them.
    Same with Lister to some extent.

    Kryten in Tikka to Ride : "You betcha ass!"

    Rimmer 's lines in Polymorph after he's turned in to a hippyish pacifist:
    "I propose that we hit it hard with a major, and I mean major, leaflet campaign.'
    And he comes up with the 'Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation In to Society'. "The only drawback with that is that the abbreviation is CLITORIS".

    Thanks to a great build up in series 4: Rimmer reads a letter "Dear Rimmer we have gone on a fishing holiday.."

    Holoship- Rimmer: "Arnold J Rimmer. Second Technician of Red Dwarf IQ unknown." And his FACE as he sits the exam.
    Rimmer:"Look, I'm not good at speeches and I know that we wouldn't necessarily have chosen each other as crewmates but I just want you to know that, over the years, I've come to regard you as people I .. met".

    Rimmer to the Self Loathing Monster in Terraform, delivered with barely disguised terror: 'BOY am I glad to see you.."

    Rimmer in Demons and Angels "And then I'm going to HAVE you.."

    Psirens- Rimmer : 'Lister, tune in to Sanity FM.' 'Of course. It's as plain as a Bulgarian pinup."
    Lister: "Look, we're out of options. We've got less choice than a Welsh fish and chip shop". (Who knew that was a 'thing' until then? Sounds plausible though.)

    Cat in Rimmerworld: "There's nothing we can do. I know for a fact there's no champagne".
    And I love the faux coyness of Rimmer's words as he contemplates making a female clone: "Of course, this would create a .. moral dilemma as , technically, she would be my sister and, therefore, unable to take me as her lover. In the end, after much soul searching (!) I decided what the heck. I just wouldn't tell her."

    Cat,, after a particularly lengthy speech by Kryten in an episode: "You took the words right out of my mouth".

    Polymorph 2 - Emohawk : "Like you'd ever want to settle down with someone who sounds like a footballer clearing his nose."
    "I'm just going to slip in to something a bit more comfortable. It's called Starbug.." (great shot of Lister: coming towards the camera).

    Series 7 has some great plot related jokes I think. Lister trying to impress Kochanski but having dental floss falling from his mouth and wearing a fluffy dressing gown.
    Cat, not realising how insensitive he's being to the claustrophobic Lister in Duct Soup : "Talk about cooped up!" "If I was dead , you could not swing me about in here!"

    Norman Lovett's Holly: "A computer with an IQ of 6000 - the same IQ as 6000 PE teachers".
     

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