Weekly News

Discussion in 'THE AIGBURTH ARMS' started by Nikki the Great, Jul 7, 2018.

  1. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE WEEKLY FORUM NEWS!

    A round up of this weeks events

    Hello. I'm @Nikki the Great and here's this weeks Forum News.

    Spaceman's fury at people mentioning his Danny's fictional wife.

    It has come to our attention that Danny @Spaceman will pop up on the forum whenever Danny's fictional wife is mentioned. The following footage was captured by @Underdunn of @Spaceman trying desperately to arrive at the scene as quickly as possible to distract everyone from mentioning this imaginary person:
    [​IMG]
    Witnesses of these events reported hearing muffled breathless cries of "CLOUDIKINS" and "TOILETS" from underneath @Spaceman's helmet, which when removed he was subsequently sick in. We await a statement from the following person people: @Iced Gemz, @Spaceman, @wormskinrug @gizmolove @Redge Dwarf @ImmitationIsFlattery.


    Kittypaws gets abused by either Underdunn or an automated message.

    Forum member @Kittypaws was left extremely distressed earlier this week, after walking into the unofficial chatroom and being dubbed "nobhead". She believed the perpetrator to be her arch-nemesis @Underdunn at first, but after much confusion and hilarity, it later turned out to be the very rude automated welcome message that somebody (probably @jmc2000) set up to greet people upon arriving. More can be read on this story here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/word-of-the-day.8909/page-15#post-234652

    Statement issued by Sgtsmiley.

    Ex-forum member and popular creepypasta/musician youtuber @SgtSmileyUK finally broke his approximately 3 year silence, and issued a statement captured by @Ant E which can be read here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/sgt-smiley-a-statement.9032/ (please be aware that the content may be upsetting). The umbrella-in-the-lock mystery still remains unsolved however.

    Eddiebadassdavis' horror at disturbing video footage.

    Forum owner @Eddiebadassdavis described his horrifying experience of being subjected to a video of a very unusual situation, by an unnamed friend. Here's the moment @Eddiebadassdavis recounted the awful moment to the public:

    Binocular enthusiast @Bluey was particularly baffled by the situation, asking:
    Unfortunately, no further explanation was given at this time.

    More on this unique story at: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/death-wish-2018.9026/#post-234749


    That's about all we have time for this week, although an honorary mention goes to @neilold for still not understanding how to use his own horror thread. We hope for a positive update on this next week.

    Until then, see ya!

    <shuffles papers>
     
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  2. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    This is a very useful topic and reminded me of all the news of the week. A heavy week of cocaine made me forget most this and now I am refreshed thank you. I hope next week's news is even more exciting
     
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  3. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    This was great. Can we have one of these threads every week?
     
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  4. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I will update this thread every week rather than make a new thread. I don't wanna do a @neilold and flood you all out.
     
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  5. Asclepius

    Asclepius Deck Sergeant

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    Great thread! Oh, how much happened this week...
    When @kry102001 Krytie TV is dead, can we just have Nikkie TV?
     
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  6. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    It wouldn't be as popular :-( Or have such a dramatic intro.
     
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  7. Eddiebadassdavis

    Eddiebadassdavis Supply Officer

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    Sweet Mary Jane erases my brain
     
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  8. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Kry10 wouldn’t turn up / then delete all his posts!!! He can’t be trusted!

    Kry10= lie 10
     
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  9. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    IT'S TIME FOR THE WEEKLY FORUM NEWS AGAIN!

    What did this week bring? Let's find out!

    Hello. I'm @Nikki the Great and here is this week's Forum News.

    Eddiebadassdavis completes his fanfiction series.

    The whole forum was delighted when forum owner, @Eddiebadassdavis, posted the final instalment of his moving fiction series "Computer Man". Many people were in tears of joy at this stunning piece of work being finished at last. The masterpiece can be found here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/red-dwarf-man-computer-chapter-iii.9036/

    BREAKING NEWS

    Further to the above report, we've just had word that the genius @Eddiebadassdavis has announced his plans to write yet another piece. Can this guy and his imagination ever be tamed? We hope not! Read more on this exciting upcoming event here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/new-fan-fiction-coming-soon.9042/#post-235051


    Danny returns in a lame sockpuppet account JamieSalmon joins the forum and leaves.

    Nobody on the forum was amused when "@JamieSalmon" showed up, acting like Norman Bates. Thankfully, this weirdo soon gave up and went away, leaving nothing but "a curse" on two unnamed members of the forum. Coincidentally (or not), just after this event, Danny "SikkiNucks" turned up in the unofficial chatroom a couple of times this week, to hurl mysogynistic and unrepeatable insults at yours truly, but having not a single word to say to any of the male majority in the chatroom. Further to this, we can now confirm that Danny @Iced Gemz has recently returned to his account, in order to change his signature and edit his old posts to a combination of milder mysogynistic insults towards myself, and bizarrely homophobic ones towards @Cloud (who isn't even gay, which makes the whole thing weirder). All whilst trying to remain in the character of a woman who speaks little English. Cuckoo! But of course, don't quote us on that, or we'll
    all be done for slander and libel.


    Bluey's appointment.

    Forum members were rocked by the news that veteran member @Bluey had an appointment somewhere. There was much speculation on where this appointment might be and with whom, but @Bluey declined to enlighten us.
    Here's the moment the shocking news broke:
    http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/currently.7860/page-274#post-235000



    Terrorform continues to silently lurk.

    If you ever happen to look at the members online around and after midnight, you will likely at some point catch the mysterious silent lurker @terrorform, usually looking in The Aigburth Arms, or peeping at individual users profiles. Despite many attempts to engage with this mysterious person, not a single post has been made by them. We do however have some footage of the person in question, in the only place he can ever be located - his bedroom at his parents' house:
    [​IMG]


    Abe missing.

    Spelling bee champion @Abe has become the latest member to go missing without a trace. Rumours that he has joined fellow missing person @kry102001 at a secret location cannot be confirmed at this time. If anyone has any information on any of the current missing people, please contact @KrytensPenis.


    That's it for this week. If you have a story to share, feel free to contact us at any time. I might or might not reply and/or include it, but I cannot commit to that in case Freeborn returns and sends me a 4 page essay on how he's trying to learn to play the acoustic guitar.

    THANKYOUANDGOODNIGHT!

    <leans over and talks to weatherman>
     
  10. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    These updates are just what i need. As someone who is drunk off his ass most the week I miss a lot of this. I appreciate Nikki for this. I didn't know I was a homosexaual. but now I do. This has been a big help at the clubs
     
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  11. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    It's funny how we, the forum alcoholics, somehow make more sense than Danny ever does.
    [​IMG]
     
    Cloud likes this.
  12. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Nice news report, Nikki. I think these are quickly becoming a highlight of my week.
     
  13. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Thank you! I shall ensure to include you every single week.
     
  14. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I have evidence that bluey was lying about his appointment !
     
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  15. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Please present this evidence to the forum so it can be scrutinised.
     
  16. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    I speak the truth. I’m a very wise man with many friends.
     
  17. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    Both those statements are incorrect.
     
  18. Ant E

    Ant E Flight Co-Ordinator

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    :-S
     
  19. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    What's wrong now?
     
  20. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Welcome to the Forum Weekly News

    With your host, me!

    Good evening and welcome to this weeks Forum News.


    Should Andrew Ellard resign?

    Long time member @Ant E has called upon the public to vote on whether or not former boss @Andrew should resign or not. We will update the situation when we have the results of this poll, whenever it happens. In the meantime, we can hear whether or not @Bluey has ever seen a video of Andrew Ellard cooking (he hasn't). Check it out here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/name-me-a-lame-celebrity.9051/page-2#post-235508


    Bluey goes out.

    Resident nosey-parker @Bluey caused a wave of unrest on the forum this week by announcing he was going out. Although he didn't specify where he was going, our sources tell us he was spotted with a lady and a pair of binoculars. What they were planning to do is unclear at this time. Read more about it here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/currently.7860/page-278#post-235260


    Neilold doesn't want to hear from Boz about this.

    Self-proclaimed forum villain @neilold caused alarm this week, by posting a video about not being allowed to fly flags. Despite many member trying to reassure Mr. Old that he could indeed stick any flag he liked on top of his sandcastle at the beach, he would not calm down. Resident policeman @BozBoo was called to the scene to calm the situation down, but all this did was anger Old, who stated
    and subsequently farted into a library book and sniffed it, which he later denied.
    More in this scandal can be read here:http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/interesting.9043/ and here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/batman-forever.9053/#post-235505


    Delays expected for the release of Eddiebassdavis' new fan fiction.

    Several members of the forum were left upset at the news that the release of @Eddiebadassdavis' new fan fiction was to be delayed by a few months. Renowned sensitive soul @Cloud reacted to the news by saying
    before bursting into tears. We will update on this upsetting situation as soon as possible. To find out more, look here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/new-fan-fiction-coming-soon.9042/#post-235521


    Goodbye Word of the Day.

    It is with great sadness that we have to report that member @Underdunn has made the heartbreaking decision to quit as boss of the stolen (from @BigOleDummy) thread, Word of the Day. The thread will be greatly missed by us all and many members have already felt themselves losing IQ points since the closure of the thread. The strongest worded complaint came from @Asclepius in the following comment:
    who moments later slaughtered an entire army of @Stephen's in frustration. More on this tragedy here: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/word-of-the-day.8909/page-19#post-235077


    Rare emotional moment from Pembers.

    Hung-like-a-giant-donkey member @Pembers displayed a rare show of emotion by posting a moving tribute video to members who have left us. How sober he was at the time is being speculated, but witnesses in chat say he wasn't. At all. What do you think? Read for yourself at: http://reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/to-those-weve-lost-in-our-hearts-forever.9060/


    Harry Terrorform continues to lurk at night.

    The mysterious shape of Bert off Sesame Street still continues to silently stalk the forum. What does he want? We'll let you decide.
    [​IMG]



    Well folks, that's all we have time for this week. Until next time, BYE!

    <Smiles eerily as the lights fade>
     

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