Your Favorite Joke From Each of the main character

Discussion in 'RED DWARF UNIVERSE' started by p3r1d0t, Jul 13, 2012.

  1. p3r1d0t

    p3r1d0t First Technician

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    :lol: :lol: :lol:So you cant decide your favorite moment how about choosing one from each of the 5 [or 6 if u count ace] main charecters
    Try that heres mine
    Lister,
    RIMMER: you cant just wack death on the head
    LISTER: if he comes near me, im gonna rip his nipples off
    rimmer,
    RIMMER: Now to activate mission
    Get Rimmer Out of Puny Everyday situation[idk exact line] Or G.R.O.P.E is on track
    KACHANSKI: [cuts of FAKE arm]
    CAT: [points, then faints sideways]
    kryten,
    LISTER: Whats this [holds bannana]
    KRYTEN:a bannana sir,
    LISTER:its a female ardvark look, if your gonna lie , just try and im not stopping till u do
    KRYTEN:i just cant do it sir i...
    LISTER:wats this[holds apple]
    KRYTEN: ITS A PINK STRIPED ZEBRA !!!I DID IT
    LISTER: Exelent, wats this [holds bannana]
    KRYTEN:its a female ardvark
    LISTER:wats this[holds pear]
    KRYTEN: its a pear a a pair of tight jeans
    LISTER: YOU DID IT!!!!
    kochanski,
    KOCHANSKI:say eureek
    KRYTEN[ eureek
    KOCHANSKI [smacks on head with pipe] hatoot
    KRYTEN:hatoot
    KACHANSKI:[smacks again] hununga
    KRYTEN:hununga
    there, nows ur turn :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  2. Presuming Ken

    Presuming Ken Deck Sergeant

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    Rimmer, Lister, Cat, Holly: Supprise!!
    Kryten: But this is the Admiral's quarters. I'm not allowed in here.
    Hollie: It's probably lethal to Androids.
    Kryten: A radioactive salad?
    kochanski,
    Lister: So, it didn't mean anything?
    Kochanski: What didn't?
    Lister: When we made love on the snooker table?
    Rimmer: I never knew that?
    cat,
    Cat: How I looking? Looking OKAY!
    Lister: What are you doing, cat?
    Cat: (mad grin) I'm corting.
    Holister: Give me the cat, Lister.
    I can't. I do respect you.......sir.
    Holister: A nibble here and Red Dwarf is backwards!

    Classic stuff :lol::lol:
     
  3. Sparky

    Sparky Supply Officer

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    Either you've both selected the worst examples possible, or you're telling them wrong... because they were terrible, and didn't even raise a titter (oo-er).

    There's so many examples of funny quotes for each character, but you seem to have gone for some of the worst! :P
     
  4. p3r1d0t

    p3r1d0t First Technician

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    Its OUR favorites not yours so stop critisizing our preferrences or you'll be SO LUCKY idk where u live
     
  5. mccollough

    mccollough First Technician

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    Seriously mr smoshed_dwarf. If you keep speaking to people like this, you're either gonna end up encurring the mod's ban hammer... or at the very least, making a good few enemies. And from what I gather this here board is a friendly place. So please play nicely.
     
  6. SoundableObject

    SoundableObject Catering Officer

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    Perhaps not my favourite but the ones that just come to mind when I think about the jokes that make me laugh the most.

    Lister
    Lister: You keep your underpants on coat-hangers, don't you?
    Rimmer: THAT'S PRIVATE

    It is just the way he says the line and the reaction from Rimmer. Performed to perfection.

    Rimmer
    Rimmer: Well we know what to get your for Christmas. A double lobotomy and two rolls of rubber wallpaper.

    Kryten
    Kryten: Leave this to me. I have an excellent place to conceal it.
    Kryten is then seen walking down Red Dwarf's corridors with the time wand in his elongated head.

    I know this is a stupid joke but it always makes me laugh more than any other joke in all of Red Dwarf. I know it is coming and yet when I see it I always laugh so much.

    Cat
    Cat: That is tragic. That is the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life... (looks up) What happened to my butt? Buddy, you could park a plane in that crease.

    Kochanski
    Kochanski: No! Why aren't you mad that I'm in bed with him?
    Lister: 'Cos I know why you're in bed with him. And I also know that I don't
    kill him
    Kochanski: Aw, but Cassandra promised...

    Holly:
    Holly: Queen to Rook Eight. Checkmate.
    Queeg: That's an illegal move.
    Holly: Oh, sorry. Queens don't move like that. I was thinking of poker.
     
  7. ori-STUDFARM

    ori-STUDFARM Supply Officer

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    My favourite Cat moment comes in Me² when he sneaks out of Rimmer's wardrobe and says

    "Hah! He won't find that one. Not until he changes his boots."

    Then he sees Lister and raises his hand to his face

    "Did you see him clearly? Could you spot him in a parade? I don't think so. I could've been anybody."

    There's just something about the way that scene randomly sits in there and plays out. Lister says nothing and it never gets referred to again. Most other comedy shows would have a scene showing Rimmer squelching into a boot and looking around disgusted. For me, it makes Cat have more depth to his character. It reminds us that, even when not about as an active charcater in the scene, he is around somewhere doing something cat like...Honorable mentions have to go out to

    Lister: "Rimmer's Dad's dead"
    Cat "I prefer Chicken"

    and

    Kryten: "Sir. They've taken Mister Rimmer"
    Cat "Lets get out of here before they bring him back"
     
  8. p3r1d0t

    p3r1d0t First Technician

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    Im sorry i'll play nice,i just get annoyed by some of the comments [like sparky]
    [edit:now that i think of it,im gonna need PROFESSIONAL HELP, now who would be willing to train a 11-year old smosh fan via Chat to speed up the training :?: …
    please PM me if your willing to help nameless reader of the internet a.k.a YOU
     

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