Games

Smegging Difficult Quotes Quiz

How well do you know your Red Dwarf dialogue?

Smegging Difficult Quotes Quiz

Select one answer for each question, then hand your results in to Holly for your score!


Name That Episode

Simple enough: tell us which episode the following lines appeared in.

1. "Better dead than smeg!"
Polymorph
The Inquisitor
Out of Time
Stoke Me A Clipper

2. "You ever see a cat return a stick? Hey, man. You threw the stick, you go and get it yourself. I'm busy!"
Stasis Leak
Kryten
Better than Life
Thanks for the Memory

3. "You spoke to five people and they all committed suicide. I wouldn't mind, but one was a wrong number. He only phoned up for the cricket scores!"
Timeslides
Bodyswap
The Last Day
D.N.A.

4. "You've got no magnificence in your soul, have you, Rimmer?"
White Hole
Meltdown
Dimension Jump
Justice


What's My Line?

Simply complete each quote!

5. "He was totally naked except for a pair of mock leather driving gloves and..."
"... a red swimming cap."
"... some blue swimming goggles."
"... green football boots."
"... an orange wristwatch."

6. "Six thousand's not that much. It's only the same as twelve thousand..."
"... P.E. teachers."
"... traffic wardens."
"... car park attendants."
"... lollipop men."

7. "As requested, sir, it was helicoptered in this morning from..."
"... Luigi's Fish ‘n' Chip Emporium."
"... Mahendra's Masala Mahal."
"... Fred's Sausage Sarnie Shack."
"... Mario's Sleazy Bar and Grill."

8. "There's a saying amongst the officers: If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing, give it to Rimmer. Promotion prospects..."
"... Nil."
"... Zero."
"... Laughable."
"... Comical."


Missing Bits

Several questions on deleted scenes and other bonus material.

9. Which line from Psirens does not appear in the episode, but was published in the script book Primordial Soup?
"I don't believe those are authentic uniforms, sir. Note the astonishing brevity of the hemlines."
"I tried to wake you up in the spring, but you absolutely insisted on another three months."
"That's a long time for a Welsh shepherd who's allergic to wool."
"This old baby's crashed more times than a ZX81!"

10. What line is Kryten trying to say in an ultimately deleted scene from The Inquisitor, as seen on the Smeg Ups tape?
"This is hardly the time to be conjugating verbs in the past participle never tense."
"This is hardly the time to be conjugating impossible verbs in the temporal never tense."
"This is hardly the time to be conjugating temporal verbs in the past impossible never tense."
"This is hardly the time to be conjugating verbs in the impossible perfect never tense."

11. Which line of dialogue was originally written for the aborted episode Bodysnatcher, but was later moved to a different Series I episode?
"Tomorrow, I'm gonna see if I can't have sex with something!"
"See this hand? It is mine! See these things? They are mine!"
"Somebody ate them!"
"He won't find that one... not until he changes his boots!"

12. Which line from Backwards does not, if played the correct way around, match its on-screen subtitle?
"Sorry, I'm English. Are you Bulgarians?"
"You scoundrels! Return my bike immediately!"
"Take your hands apart and give a big warm goodbye to the Sensational Reverse Brothers!"
"I know this pub. Hope in."


Holly's Wisdom

Classic computer lines, but which episodes do they hail from?

13. "There's a perfectly logical explanation for everything, with the possible exception of little Jimmy Osmond."
Queeg
Thanks for the Memory
Stasis Leak
Parallel Universe

14. "It's better to have loved and lost than to listen to an album by Olivia Newton-John."
Thanks for the Memory
Better than Life
Waiting for God
Stasis Leak

15. "Time is a great healer. Unless you've got a rash, then you're better off with some ointment."
Back in the Red Part One
Cassandra
Krytie TV
Pete Part One

16. "We have three realistic alternatives: one, sit here and get blown up. Two, stand here and get blown up. Three, jump up and down, shout at me for not being able to think of anything, then get blown up."
Bodyswap
White Hole
D.N.A.
Demons & Angels


Pot Luck

To round things off, a grab-bag of mixed and mostly tricky questions!

17. What is the correct order of Duane Dibbley's checklist in Emohawk: Polymorph II?
Thermos, sandwiches, telephone money, dandruff brush, corn plasters, animal footprint chart and one triple-thick condom
Thermos, sandwiches, corn plasters, telephone money, dandruff brush, animal footprint chart and one triple-thick condom
Sandwiches, Thermos, corn plasters, telephone money, dandruff brush, animal footprint chart and one triple-thick condom
Thermos, sandwiches, dandruff brush, animal footprint chart, corn plasters, telephone money and one triple-thick condom.

18. How many irradiated haggis does Lister mention in Balance of Power?
4,691
4,891
4,981
4,961

19. Which of the following is not the first spoken word of a Red Dwarf series?
To
This
Who
Oh

20. Which of the following is not the final spoken word of a Red Dwarf series?
Home
Happening
Fantastic
Uncle