Dimension Jump XIII

Saturday Night

Now, you may or may not have been an entrant in this year's Red Dwarf Olympics (events include Lucky Darts, Cat Golf and Cat Fishing), you may even have submitted an entry for the caption and ID competitions running throughout the weekend. But you ain't no kinda competitor unless you spent months building a detailed costume for the Fancy Dress Competition.

Let me tell you, this is a tough contest these days. So many come, looking fabulous, but only a few can be victorious.

So, we commend so very, very many - Grim Reapers, giant Mr Flibbles, gravestones, Kochanskis, Prisoners, cubed Krytens - but the prizes have to go to the few.

The Winner was John Breen as The Inquisitor, with runners-up Martha Hawker as a huge skutter and Chris Beech as a Ganymede Holiday Inn Service Droid.

The Droid is a brand new DJ design, an entry nobody has never before attempted. The giant skutter, on the other hand, threw us slightly - because we had two of them. Bottom line, though, is that one was bigger than the other... and wasn't powered by tricycle. As you can see, though, the effort across the board was amazing. We clapped so hard it hurt.

The event was hosted once again by Hattie Hayridge, who managed to keep out the gatecrashers - "If you're from The Peterborough Keep Fit Association you're in the wrong room!" - and avoided being upstaged by either crashing skutters, door problems, or Mr Flibble miming to Queen, as projected onto the big screen.

Norman Lovett then did a stand-up set, complete with slide-show. It's a type of peculiar genius impossible to recreate here. So I won't even try. Suffice to say that the new trousers were definitely sexier.

And so to the disco - where, frankly, it all becomes a bit of a blur. There was dancing aplenty, and I recall steering a radio-controlled mini-skutter - part of one contestant's fancy dress costume - around our table among the wine bottles and ash trays. But beyond that, and the Keep Fit Association eventually breaking through and sneaking onto our dance floor, it's probably best we move straight on to Sunday morning.