Dimension Jump 2K

Friday's Grand Opening

To give you some idea of how bizarre a Red Dwarf weekend can be, picture the scene: A man fishes in an empty paddling pool for cardboard fish while another launches himself, blindfold, at a six-foot drawing of a scantily clad weather girl. To one side, a girl is trying to match Cat with his Parallel Universe opposite, while another woman has her hand in a black box attempting to identify a tube of Anusoothe and a one-fingered rubber glove.

These were the Red Dwarf Olympics. And they were in the first hours of DJ2K. Makes you wonder how it could have got any weirder, doesn't it.

DJ's co-host, Den, bounded on stage like a possessed munchkin and - transforming himself into Anne Robinson - hosted the Olympic final, Who Wants to be the Weakest Link. Medals were distributed among the winners - then the Weekend continued with an unprecedented change.

While there's nothing like a bit of friendly competition to warm up the Dimension Jump crowd, there's nothing at all friendly about the girls versus boys quiz that opens the event each year. The audience is split in two. Male and female divided. Couples argue and split up (then get back together during a slobbery clinch at the disco on Saturday).

The girls always win the opening quiz. It's been written in stone since the first Dimension Jump in 1992. But for the first time ever, this year the result of the quiz was a draw.

Take a deep breath, and we'll move on.

It takes a big man to open a Dimension Jump, and the fan club found the ideal big man in Mac McDonald. Mac and "The McDonalds" (actually Mac's two unnervingly-talented daughters, Jessica and Naomi) treated the crowd to their comedy/accapella music routine, climaxing with a rendition of the Red Dwarf theme tune!

Friday then went in what will forever be known of "the usual DJ direction" (i.e. a direct line to the bar). Meanwhile, the opening of the merchandise room caused a flurry of activity as fans clamoured for merchandise ranging from signed first day stamp covers to novels and T-shirts.

With what little money remained to them, the fans returned to the bar. In fact, some of them might have been sleeping in there...