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Saturday Night Cabaret

We think someone was taking the smeg with the disco - Star Trekin' played three times? Pur-leese.

The Costume Competition brought the usual high standard of lunacy, as GELFs, Canaries, Gingham-clad Rimmers and, erm, morris dancers vied for the attention of a panel of judges that included Doug Naylor, Hattie Hayridge and Chloë Annett. Host Robert Llewellyn could only watch aghast - and avoid an attack from Spare Hand One. Click here to view the costumes and winners.

Norman Lovett then took to the stage, who, always the trouble-making rebel, bounded on in a backwards baseball cap to the sound of Five's 'We Will Rock You'.

Having delivered his thoughts on, amongst other topics, the disposal of dog poo, Norman's trouble-maker attitude was called into question when he checked over his notes to see if anything was left: "Oh, I did most of it then..." It's not every delinquent that makes a 'to do' list.

Norman was followed by American comedian/magician and former Talkie Toaster, John Lenahan. "Hattie dragged me down here," John admitted, before announcing, "I like England, it's a nice country, it just needs a roof."

Attempting to guess the card one audience member had picked, John tore heart shapes from a folded piece of paper. Counting the hearts on the unfurled sheet, he was forced to ask the question: "Was your card the... 14 of hearts?"

As the thunderous applause died down the floor began to fill, and the drinking and dancing of the disco began in earnest. And if anybody has any recollection of the events that night, this hungover correspondent would appreciate it if you kept them to yourself.