Lockdown day 36

Discussion in 'THE AIGBURTH ARMS' started by Underdunn, Apr 29, 2020.

  1. Underdunn

    Underdunn Deck Sergeant

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    I've woken up today feeling hugely depressed and anxious, as has happened a couple of times throughout all this. Then I end up feeling guilty for for it, because I know there are so many people in much worse lockdown situations than me - I end up wondering if they're waking up depressed and anxious or if they're just soldiering through and dealing with it. I wonder if I've any right at all to be feeling like this.

    How are people on here coping and reacting? Maybe it isn't the right place to be discussing covid and maybe this place should always be an escape from grim reality and just an outlet for silliness and distraction. I don't know. I'd be interested to hear how you all are doing though.

    I've read the death toll is now over 21,000 in this country alone. The enormity of the number really plays on my mind when I think about it, I try not to but sometimes you can't control your brain. 21,000 is the death total, but all those 21,000 have families and friends - if even ten people are personally effected by the death of one then that means right now there are 210,000 grieving within their own lockdown.

    It's nightmarish.

    The other day I saw a woman kicking off in a pet-shop where I had to go and buy food for our dog. She point blank refused to stand behind the line at the counter and got into a shouting match about it with the staff. In the midst and enormity of all this, she was much more concerned with 'not being told what to do' than anything else. I'm not someone who uses social media but occasionally you find yourself on it and you see people are still fighting and arguing over such tiny, irrelevant things out there. Probably around a quarter of a million people in this country dealing with heartbreak, grief and mourning right this second and it's still not enough to give some pause and perspective from their daily kick-off's over whether or not someone stole their parking space the other day, or whatever. You find yourself wondering what would do... You find yourself concluding, probably nothing.

    It seems that alongside everything else this pandemic is doing to the world, it's also highlighting the absolute small minded, pettiness of humanity that can and never will be reigned in.

    Or maybe I'm over-thinking it and being part of that same problem myself by letting THAT bother me so much in the middle of all this.

    I don't know, like I say, I just woke up feeling super down about it all and then sat and typed all this ramble up. Sorry.

    Those numbers though...

    xxxx
     
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  2. BozBoo

    BozBoo Console Officer

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    That's ok. I think to a degree we all feel in a similar way. We all have ways of dealing with it. Some of us overthink. Some of us end up in denial.

    Hope you feel better soon pal.
     
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  3. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Poor undies.
    I am struggling a lot with it as well. I have only really left the house to go to the shop which is always a chore with the queues to get in and bouncers at the door.

    I have still been working just from at home and every day is getting very samey. I have missed various family events we would have had a party for because we cant meet. Its been very depressing.

    Days have just been dragging and i lost track of time really. I know there is others I know have it worse, I have friends with Kids I have heard from who are struggling to work from home and take care of the kids and one who is due to give birth any day now which I cant imagine in all this.

    The stress eating and boozing every night to cope i know is making it worse but I just need any sort of pick me up. If they close the Kebab shop in this time it will be the end of me.

    I hope you and everyone else here are holding up ok and hopefully we can have a good laugh about the time we were all prisoner in the future.

    Its like my old Grandma used to say "What would it be like if Detroit"

    Hope that helps xox
     
  4. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Obviously I see the effect this has on you @Underdunn and we often talk about it all. But I think it sort of helps everyone to be a little serious at times and share their honest feelings.

    I have to start out by saying, I'm coping with it all reasonably well. Mostly because I remember how bad it would've been for me personally if this had all happened this time last year or less, when I was stuck in a damp little flat on a council estate where there just seemed to be ongoing trouble all the time. This was bad for my chest in winter and bad for my anxiety all year round. Plus the flat itself was haunted by memories of horrible things that had happened there, to the point that I was never asleep during dark hours, because it felt too scary. My mental health was steadily declining, I felt constantly under threat, unable to sleep and like the walls were closing in. I can't imagine what would've happened if lockdown had happened whilst I was still there.

    But it didn't and I'm now in a large house that would be hard to get into, with a big garden in a nice area where nobody is on top of each other and an awesome dog for added security haha. I work from home with the coolest boss ever and am looked after in ways I never have been before or could've dreamed of. I am extremely grateful for how my life got flipped (turned upside down) and I AM Cinderella. But it also leaves me with guilt at times for the people who are still stuck in a bad situation. This has been heightened during the pandemic, as people may have witnessed snatches of during a tipsy forum posting session. I know how lucky I've been this past year and that's all that stands between me and another person stuck in a situation like me - luck. I don't tend to feel I deserve good things that come my way, when they do as I don't necessarily think I'm a particularly good person. Some days I outright think I'm a bad person. But that's another set of issues entirely.

    I haven't found lockdown hard admittedly, as given my own mental health woes (I have diagnosed complex PTSD, which I am on meds for, likely for life now), I have self isolated many times in the past. I am in lockdown in a lovely place now, so it's nothing to me. I do find walking the dog weird for example, as everyone is obviously all keeping their distance and it all looks so...odd! Like everyone is suspicious of each other lol. And with the police driving up and down to check we're all keeping to the guidelines, it does FEEL weird. But that's about it. Weird I can cope with! I'm not really going to shops as @Underdunn is doing it, but it sounds like a very weird atmosphere and stuff. Mind you, I'd have told that vile woman in the pet shop to get over herself and jog on if I had been there!

    I've become a little avoidant with the news admittedly though. The story about the 13 year old dying alone in hospital...that disturbed me to my core and I cried a lot over it, both for him and his family, especially when they then couldn't even bury him themselves. I think that one affected a lot of people though. I got a text in the middle of the night from my mum who was very upset about it. If you knew my mum, you'd know how unusual that was.

    I understand the official death toll is 21000 now, but I believe it's much higher if deaths in care homes were included. That's a lot of people and like you said, it's even more left behind and grieving and in some cases unable to comfort each other due to the lockdown. That brings up so many feelings of sadness and guilt. I don't know of many people that I knew personally that have died, but the one that stands out to me is a guy I was at school with, who had no underlying health issues. We weren't overly close at school and I hadn't seen him since I was a teenager, but he was a nice friendly guy and way too young to be taken from this world. I have mentioned my uncle in a care home that is infected, but I haven't heard anything more about that. I worry for friends a lot, like I mentioned before @Pembers is one I find myself thinking of a lot. A friend that is a mental health nurse is another. We lost contact for many years, shortly after the death of our friend a long time ago, but recently got back in touch over Christmas. I get a lot of texts from her and she's absolutely terrified and I feel totally helpless but humbled by people like her on the frontline.

    I've found it a little shocking to still receive some mean messages from people from the past during all this. Surely they have much more important things to concentrate on? Not much else to say on that really, it just baffles me. But it's a reflection of their character I guess and that's why they're in the past.

    @Cloud I don't think you need to feel bad about drinking and eating kebabs etc. Do whatever makes the whole thing feel a little easier. I'm not drinking during the week myself, but the weekends I'm gonna drink til I forget stuff haha. That's one way to keep track of the days!

    I don't know what else to say really. I will say this though - ANYONE on here is free to pm me if they want to vent. Or if you have me on snapchat, skype or WhatsApp etc. If ever you need chat to open (at the moment we're mostly just doing Friday and Saturday, with some exceptions) we'll do our best to make it happen and get people in there. We don't have to talk about anything bad either, you can use it as a distraction (that's my speciality haha) If you play Animal Crossing on the switch, feel free to ask for my friend code.

    Much love to you all during these troubled times <3
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2020
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  5. Asclepius

    Asclepius Console Officer

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    I must say I've got used to the lockdown, although the start was terrible. We were sent massive amount of work from school. It's much better now as the school year for us ends tomorrow and we will only have to prepare for the final exams.

    The situation became better here, there's about forty infected people a day and they say the epidemic is under control. The restrictions worked, which is good.

    The lockdown was eased now, people can go outside more often, they can even leave the country, the shops are opening again. This makes me worry a bit, because a lot of people think this epidemic is over now and I see a lot of people without masks (which is still illegal). I'm afraid that the epidemic will come back.

    Also, our final exams weren't cancelled. Apparently, during the lockdown, I had so much work from school, I didn't have time to prepare for the exams, so I'm bit afraid of that, but there's still time for learning, so it will be hopefully allright.
    Bigger problem is that the average age of teachers is more than 50 years and I personally know a lot of them who are in the vulnerable group. This puts them at a big risk.
     
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  6. Pembers

    Pembers Console Officer

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    I have good days and bad days. I have had one or two meltdowns but as time has gone on I’ve got more and more used to it. It’s a bit lonely for me as I live alone, my family are the other side of London (that’s far for anyone that knows London) as are most of my friends. My girlfriend is in Bosnia with her parents. I haven’t seen anyone I know for about 7 weeks now.

    Things that have helped are having a structure to my day, get up, have breakfast, shower and get dressed (properly, no pjs or dressing gown) start work (I’m fortunate I can keep working, almost as normal, from home). Do little bits of exercise through the day and have a break from my laptop at lunchtime, go and prepare food and eat in the kitchen.

    I try to get out everyday for a walk, and 2-3 times a week I go shopping, it’s not a great experience but at least it’s out and about.

    I try and talk on the phone to people I know (ie not work calls) once a day and do a few zoom get togethers at the weekend. All of this helps. I tell you what though I’d give anything to go to the office, meet a friend after work for a drink, go to the football on Saturday, visit my family on Sunday. It’s amazing how many normal things I took for granted.

    @Underdunn of course you have the right to feel anxious, if we couldn’t feel bad because other people have it worse then you’d only have one upset person on the planet.

    Also there was already a thread by a guy with a huge willibert and bulging biceps here :sulk:

    http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/forum/threads/lockdown.11841/
     
  7. Rodthepod

    Rodthepod First Technician

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    Well, I defiantly don't have it as bad as you lot.
    In my province (5 million population) there has only been just over 2000 cases and only 105 deaths (most from senior care centers) and Canada as a whole is 51,000 cases and 3000 deaths.
    We are not in lockdown but most are practicing extreme social distancing and hyper cleanliness. (I've washed my hands so much my thumb won't unlock my phone anymore)
    The worst part is that the school year has been canceled and the kids are home going crazy.
    They have closed bars, pubs, dine in restaurants and banned all sports and large gatherings. I'm still at work (as I type this) so there hasn't been any economic problems for us.
    Generally Canadians have more experience with social distancing than most, due to the great distances between cities. It's a 14 hour drive to visit my mom (same province), so it's not like we see each other lots (although we had planned the trip for the end of March and had to cancel).
    I do have my way's to break the tension though. "Medicating" and watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 is currently doing it for me.
    Some people are going to come out of this experience being better people, others will not. Depends if you sit around and blame your situation on everyone else, or sit back and examine why you are in this situation.
     
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  8. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Yeah I know what you mean about the distance thing in Canada. I have friends and family out there and have spent a lot of time over there in recent years. Going from Edmonton in Alberta just to Calgary and back in one day was ridiculous and the difference in weather shocked me. It was November so it was snowing in Edmonton, yet it was warm enough to be in short sleeves outside in Calgary. Beautiful country though and one I seriously considered moving to a couple of times in my life.

    Well I guess we only have ourselves to blame for the spread and the - in some cases still ongoing - refusal to abide by the rules on social distancing. Always surprises me to see news of people still trying to carry on as normal and raging when being told not to and "blah blah blah MY RIGHTS!" etc.
     
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  9. Abe

    Abe Deck Sergeant

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    I've been driving delivery a little and have been constantly surprised at the number of people who - especially when they selected "leave at the door" on their order - are perfectly happy to fling open their door and greet me the moment I pull up and have me hand their order right to them. I guess they may have nothing better to do than watch their phone as they get location updates and jump up the moment that "your driver, Abraham, is here!" notification comes in, but goddamn, learn some restraint. Lockdown/distancing aren't something where doing it most of the time is good enough. At least the company gives us free masks, gloves, and sanitizer.
     
  10. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Jeez, that's not good at all! For takeaways we have strict instructions not to open the door when it knocks and to give the driver enough time to get back in their car before collecting the order from the doorstep. I would've thought most people had the common sense to keep to that anyway though. Well I'm glad you have masks and gloves etc, but still!
     
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  11. Asclepius

    Asclepius Console Officer

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    The mask doesn't protect you much, if the other person doesn't have one too. This is a bit selfish from them and the pandemic will last longer and longer with behaviour like this.
     
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  12. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    When I have been ordering kebabs they just leave them at the door and off they go. Its heaven and I hope it can be adopted post lock down
     
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  13. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Yeah innit, rather than try to have an awkward conversation like "I hope my mum will help me cut this pizza you just delivered".
     
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  14. Dave_B_Phillps

    Dave_B_Phillps First Technician

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    I went into Starbucks the other day and the woman behind the counter was wearing a face-mask, I asked her if it was a COUGHY FILTER!!!!!

    Seriously though, hope you're all keeping safe and enjoyed my recent performance in Red Dwarf The Promised Land.
     
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  15. Pembers

    Pembers Console Officer

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    Alright Dave
     
  16. Ant E

    Ant E Science Officer

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    I’d like to bring forum prosperity and ask to hear from @neilold
     
  17. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    They must have edited all your bits out of the special, Dave. I was really disappointed that I didn't see you in it. You'd have been great as one of those cat people.
     
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  18. neilold

    neilold Science Officer

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    Being wearing a mask when doing my hospital volunteering, as for myself personally, just keeping on keeping on
     
  19. Nikki the Great

    Nikki the Great Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Yeah Dave, you wouldn't have been the worst actor.
     
  20. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    He should have been one of the cat women.
     

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