Lockdown

Discussion in 'THE AIGBURTH ARMS' started by Pembers, Mar 23, 2020.

  1. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    I think you're probably right. But it's still not funny.
     
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  2. neilold

    neilold Science Officer

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    You've never being funny, what's your excuse?
     
  3. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    At least I'm funnier than your avatar pictures.
     
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  4. neilold

    neilold Science Officer

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    no, you're not.
     
  5. Sammer4Rimmer

    Sammer4Rimmer Supply Officer

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    I practically hung up on you because pretty much the first thing you said was you had to go, I thought you were saying it wasn't a great time for a conversation but texted you "have a great time :-)" to try to make it clear there were no hard feelings. I don't think it's fair to imagine I'm being bitter if I don't get in touch for four weeks when you haven't initiated one conversation with me in the last six months. If you want to link the slow-down to a particular event, then tbh my vanity was more wounded by your reaction to Captain Bert (I was definitely a bit grumpy about that!!) and I'd say the neverending stuff with BoD and Cloud was also a huge demoralising factor. But look, think how unresponsive/unavailable you've been since Summer - I couldn't keep trying that often for ever, it's not fair to attack me for getting in touch less when you kept rebuffing my attempts to be friends. You're rewriting history when you suggest that we could have been friends all along if I'd just acted like it, which isn't fair when you resisted all my attempts to reconnect for so long, wouldn't make time to catch up, wouldn't see me, etc.. I don't think it's fair for you to imagine unflattering reasons to explain why I slowed down when there are so many perfectly reasonable ones. I absolutely *was* bitter last year, but only because you had so much of my time for so long when you needed it and then refused point blank to make quality time for me on Skype when you no longer did. That seemed a bit much when you and I had only bonded in the first place because you were stuck in a one-sided friendship, I couldn't believe you'd do that to me after a year and a half. But I've not been carrying a grudge over that since my birthday, I've just been really anxious to be mates again.
     
  6. CaptainBollocks

    CaptainBollocks Second Technician

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    That was a smashing time, Paul encouraged me to go scrub some gussets which is a memory I'll always hold dear.
     
  7. Asclepius

    Asclepius Console Officer

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    It was great! It's fantastic Ed remember every detail of an episode shot almost 33 years ago.

    Guest appearances of Ruby Wax and Mr. Flibble were a nice surprise.

    I hope they'll do more soon.
     
  8. Bluey

    Bluey Science Officer

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    I'm so disappointed that I missed all the fun. Did Talkie Toaster make an appearance?
     
  9. Pembers

    Pembers Console Officer

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    Listen here @Sammer4Rimmer you start talking Smeg about Captain Bert you and me’s gone have words.
     
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  10. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    bring back Mike Rolls. We need him now more than ever
     
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  11. Underdunn

    Underdunn Deck Sergeant

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    I was wondering Cloud, what do you think Mike Rolls would be doing during lockdown?
     
  12. Ant E

    Ant E Science Officer

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    Was it filmed at all? Wouldn’t mind a watch
     
  13. Asclepius

    Asclepius Console Officer

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    They were recording it and want to release it online.
     
  14. Cloud

    Cloud Flight Co-Ordinator

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    Well he would be drinking his drink of chouce (black sambuca) in his own home as he can't go to the pub, also a lot of online games, likely spunking his magic. Also i would wager molesting girls remotely using non stop text messages.
     
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  15. Sammer4Rimmer

    Sammer4Rimmer Supply Officer

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    i think we're soulmates in a funny way. i think it's more circumstance has put us in different places, imagine if i ran a cat cafe instead of doing my job. different proposition.
     
  16. Spaceman

    Spaceman Deck Sergeant

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    DO YOU believe Spaceman could be coming thru your toilet soon? You ought yes to believe Spaceman is gonna come thru your toilet, and what you gonna do then? Spaceman knows ur a vertically challenged guy Underdummy and he knows how ur gonna be scared because its gonna be one shortarse guy vursus one Spaceman and his LAZER GUN. What do you know of LAZER GUN Undummy? You aint not gonna be able to escape from LAZER GUN, u know how to outrun LAZER GUN? Spaceman isnt over reacting but he fears about you over reating to Spacemans gun, thats the only way u can properly react to the news that Spaceman is coming through your toilet with LAZER GUN. You really are going to have to decide what you are going to do, you cant outrun Spaceman, he is coming after you with LAZER GUN.
    You can hide but you can’t run.
    Spaceman sees nothing ,nothing. He only deserves it because hes wearing Spacesuit, you cant stop Spaceman on the outside and you can’t stop Spaceman on the inside, ur in a no fly zone, you can’t fly from LAZER GUN, there is great potential. Spaceman does not a have pet rock but he knows there is a rock song that he wants to share with you becuase its from your perspective and this is a song that is real and it is loud and it is proud.Wanna know what the song is? Course you do, we all do, Spaceman is coming armed with LAZER GUN and this time its personal. Aint not nothing you and your alcoholic girlfriend is gonna do about this. Here is your song Undummy. Spaceman wonders what Captain Capslock thinks about this.


    [loud rock music]
    UNDUMMY SINGS:
    Spaceman will you please move to the shower?,
    A rude gesture is the way you answer,
    Sorry that I’m rushing you,
    But I really need to use the loo,
    Some private time is what I’m owed,
    I hope that ur eyes are closed,
    Running low on time I grab the loo roll,
    But Spacemans in my toilet bowl.
     
  17. Spaceman

    Spaceman Deck Sergeant

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    And what about YOUR toilet? U think ur safe? Well let Spaceman ask u fifteen simple questions, do u have a lock on ur toilet? Is the seat able 2 B locked down? NO? NO? no? Well if thats the truth then how do you propose to stop Spaceman coming through ur toilet? And even if u did have a lock u still would not be able to stop everyponys favourite Spaceman coming through ur toilet. Ur toilet is not safe Nikki, and neither are u. U can’t stop Spaceman coming through ur toilet any more than u can stop time itself, but if u can stop time itself then you have a very very very very chance of stopping Spaceman coming through ur toilet, because only time itself can stop Spaceman coming through your toilet.
    And u and Undummy live together now but can your garden gnome sized boyfriend stop Spaceman coming through ur toilet? One day you will both be together in the house and u will hear a sound coming from ur bathroom, and you will both thing of Spaceman and Undummy will make a joke about it or you will make a joke about it, you will make a joke about HEY MAYBE its Spaceman come to abduct us by coming through the toilet! And u will both laugh, both of u not realising no nothing not knowing what this mean and how SO CLOSE to the truth you are that Spaceman can come through ur toilet. Ur toilet is Spacemans, he OWNS ur toilet, and one day you and Undummy will make a joke about it, but the joke will become REAL, and when its become real that’s when u will know and everyone will know that its real.

    Spaceman OWNS Ur toilet.
     
  18. Asclepius

    Asclepius Console Officer

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    Imagine developing property and secretly hiding in toilets.
     
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  19. Spaceman

    Spaceman Deck Sergeant

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    imagine a spaceman called spaceman who is a spaceman and likes being a spaceman because of spaceman. And imagine that he might be inside your toilet right now because spaceman can be a spaceman and when he's the spaceman you can be in your spaceman
     
  20. Spaceman

    Spaceman Deck Sergeant

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